Sunday, May 18, 2008

therapy and rehab







i was lying on my bed this afternoon watching the third episode in a row of 'celebrity rehab'.
until today i didn't know this show did, or even could, exist.

but yes, it does.
and it's very awful. but very watchable.

suddenly i decided that because it's a holiday tomorrow i'd better dash out and shop before the stores close.
there'll be no opportunity for shopping tomorrow.
surely i must need to buy something?
surely it isn't right not to shop today when i have a choice because there'll be no choice tomorrow.

so off i went for some retail therapy to my favourite home furnishing store.
only to find that it seems everyone else had had the same idea.
because there was nowhere to park.
drove around for a bit and managed to scoot into a space only to note that someone else i hadn't noticed before was also waiting for it.
i kept my head down in case they decided to curse me out.
parking lot rage is a real downer.
if you happen to be on the receiving end of it.

got inside but i started to worry because, as i said, minutes before i'd been lolling about 'python-like' (see previous post) and hadn't really been dressed for recreational shopping.
i hoped that i wouldn't meet anyone i knew.
too late.
every aisle was a vertiable minefield. full of people that i know and that i don't really want to bump into when i'm looking slobby;
because,
a) today i'm looking a bit like amy winehouse
and
b) i can't quite pull off that look as well as amy winehouse.


the first aisle i'm in looking at art work i hear a voice that sounds a bit familiar and i turn slowly pretending to examine another piece of art work near the lady who owns the familiar voice.
but then she turns too and we spot each other.
"HI!" she shouts and she's smiling from ear to ear as if we are long lost friends.
Oh my goodness. who is this? who can it be? i know that we know each other but...
so i fess up.
"? " i laugh
"IT'S ME! JUDY! she yells.
'right?'
" ...from adult literacy?? how are you enjoying working with the autistic children?"
"huh? i work in adult literacy too. i don't work with autistic children."
"?' she's staring at me as if i'm lying.
"he he he" i shuffle my feet.
"i'm pat....??"
'OH RIGHT! YOU'RE PAT! she yells.
thank God for that! now she knows me but clearly she's disappointed i'm not who she thought i was. (story of my life.)
but because we are both embarrassed now we stand and talk.
for at least 10 minutes.
about people that she knows and that i really don't and people that i know and she really doesn't.
it's not very interesting for either of us but we can't just walk away.
finally we say 'bye, lovely to see you' only to bump into each other in the next aisle over, all over again. and then every aisle after that.

yesterday i went panic shopping to buy my sister a birthday gift.
i had the opportunity to send a little gift to england with someone who was flying out last night.
i ran around the dept. store like a mad woman picking up and casting aside everything that i thought might even be remotely suitable.
i ended up in the section with handbags.
they were either;
too big or too small, too fancy or too plain, too cheap or too tacky, too smart or too casual, too much, as in over the top, too businesslike or too blah.
i was sweating now.
so instead i bought a neat little purse which is actually a lunch bag.
m.o.h. was in the sock dept as i ran around.
he sauntered over looking very pleased with his purchase of a pack of white sports socks to see if i had decided what to get.
" a handbag." he said.
'it's a lunch bag' i explained.
'now i just need something to go with it. a little something to put in it."
"a sandwich?" he suggested.
he's so helpful.

10 comments:

Emma-Kate Castricum said...

I just love the way you put things into words. Yes it's always the way when you look like crap your bound to bump into people you don't want to. Murphy's law. I'm so rude I pretend I'm on my mobile so i don't have to speak. One of these days I'll be doing it and the bloody thing will start ringing!

Clippy Mat said...

thanks emma kate. :-)
murphy's law indeed. i don't think i've got the skills to pull off the mobile fake tho'. i would definitely screw that one up LOL

kee said...

happens to be all the time!
that was a funny post.
i am sure your lovely sister wil love her new lunchbag...did the sandwich survive?

Clippy Mat said...

She did. she loved the lunch bag. but somebody must have eaten the sandwich.......... :-)

Helen Urwin said...

I was stuffing my face with chips sitting in a car park looking out at the River Tyne flowing into the sea between its two piers - very relaxing! It was a lovely warm, sunny day and I was enjoying the peace & quiet of it all but then I spied them a nice elderly couple togged out identically in slacks & Aran sweaters with matching woolly hats. 'Oh Rats' I thought as they strolled towards the car just as I was stuffing in my last handful of chips. I knew them vaguely through my mother (they go to her church) just enough to say what a nice day it was, but not enough to have a long conversation with. To my shame I slid further down my seat hoping they wouldn't notice/recognise me! Too late! grinning broadly they made a beeline for me. I couldn't return the smile,however, as my mouth was stuffed hamster-like with chips and I reckoned I had two options to smile anyway whether food should fall down my front or not, or to stare through them pretending I didn't know who they were/hadn't really seen them/hope they wouldn't really recognise me and to suffer the consequences (they'd feel duty bound to tell my mother that they had seen me) and Mother would not be best pleased at my blagging them!!, to say the least. Much to late! they were alongside my window now and mouthing "hello's" at me, I was caught better to feign surprise roll down the window and just grin & be pleasant, which I did. "Can't stop ,Dear" she said " Just wanted to let you know that we were praying for you at Mass this morning" Chastened I managed to mumble my humble thanks to them without spitting food in every direction and they wished me a speedy recovery and left!! I felt truly awful for ages afterwards: I think that's an example of what they call being hoist on your own pitard!!! Or more simply putSHAMED TO BUGGERY

Helen Urwin said...

P.S. can't stand Amy Winehouse - I think she looks like a Bigg Market slag

Clippy Mat said...

helen: god love ye! IS that what they call being hoist on your own whatsit? not heard that one. and watch what you say about ms winehouse she and i have a lot in common in the image dept. LOL xxx

wor vron said...

I luuvvv my new lunch bag -everyone thinks its a designer handbag -so cool!!!!!!
glad you're blogging again sis
Wor Vron xx

Clippy Mat said...

vron: it IS a designer bag........
honest.
well somebody designed it. :-)

Anonymous said...

hahaha
'a sandwich?'

jenn