i know -
the only inevitables in life are death and taxes.
you should give unto caesar what is caesar's etc.
i know all that.
but my employer was not taking tax deductions from me for four years and i always ended up owing the taxman.
but like a good citizen i paid 'em.
except for last year.
i bought an rrsp and thought that the refund on that would cover this year's and last's shortfall.
somehow i owed double.
so i started paying by installments. what's the hurry i thought to myself.
isn't it better in my pocket than in the government's?
don't they tax us till we bleed anyway and it's not like i'm NOT going to pay them back.
it's just that........ i'm not READY, yet.
i believed i was being proactive in paying in installments.
some of my workmates who were in the same situation owed double what i owed.
which is in fact, double MY double if you follow.and they weren't worrying about it.
BUT, yesterday i received a death threat in a brown envelope from revenue canada.
pay up, they demanded, or we are coming to take away your first born child.
(he's got more money than me so i should have made the deal but, call me sentimental, those maternal hormones kicked in and i just couldn't do it.)
so i tried phoning.
"leave a message and we'll call you back within 48hrs." they said.
in french, no less.
well i won't be here in 48 hrs will i?
and i don't speak french very well either mes amis.
so i thought, best go down to their office and sort this out.
toute de suite. as it were.
maintenant. in fact.
so je marche downtown.
i'll offer a token payment and tell them not to worry i schemed in my head en route.
tell 'em i plan to reimburse them at my own pace, which was bi-weekly, and which should take me a few months to pay off.
but there's no hurry is there?
m.o.h. pays enough tax for two or three people so they should give me a break. non?
well that's what i thought until i met the young lady behind the glass screen.
who typed with two very stubby fingers.
i swear to god this madam must have graduated magna cum laude from bitch school.
you could tell that she'd heard it all before and had heard it from better than me.
she would NOT accept anything less than blood.
and she wanted it NOW.
after typing in my S.I.N. she had me up there on the screen.
i'm sure by her sneer she was looking at a rundown on what i carelessly fritter my money away on.
i'm certain as she stared at the monitor she was thinking ' you just bought magazines, hair products and new earrings lady. don't give MOI your hardluck story.'
i thought i saw her glancing at my new gel nails.
at my spiffy pedicure and my flawless makeup and hairdo.
(well i was a bit windswept and interesting i.e. hot and sweaty really so i didn't look exactly 'flawless' but honest to god, compared to her i was pretty well, .... pretty actually.)
SHE had chipped nail polish.
and it was once 'blue' for gawds sake.
but i was a dead duck and i had to pay up.
je suis un canard mort!
well i beat her down to my having to pay 1/2 of it on the spot and i know the interest i was paying was horrendous so oui, it's to my advantage.
("ADVANTAGE, CLIPPY MAT!")
i was just shocked at the interrogation tactics of this young woman.
she knew the drill.
and she knew where to stick it.
dans mon rear end!
dans mon derriere actuallement.
at one point she told me 'we are not in the business of lending money.'
ooh la la!
i felt like leaping across the counter and smacking her one cos she was so condescending and uppity but i also knew, damn it, that she was right.
oooh i hate it when i'm not right!
that's the unkindest cut of all.
GAME SET AND MATCH. REVENUE CANADA!
a bien tot mes ami.