Wednesday, March 3, 2010

no way back

last night i went to the movies  after work.
i like to think i live on the edge.
it was cheap night tuesday.
which meant less than $5 admission.
i was thrilled.
i went to see shutter island with leonardo di caprio.
well not WITH him of course, but believe me, if he'd asked, i would have.
i really liked this movie.
it kept me on the edge of my seat for over 2 hrs.
except for one point where the suspense built and built and then
SUDDENLY
i screamed
"JESUS!"
at the top of my voice and my popcorn went in several directions at once.
mostly on the head of the man in front.
THAT could have been embarrassing but luckily everyone else jumped at the same time so there was a lot of popcorn flying about.
before the movie i went for a bit of retail therapy with my friend from work and then we went for something to eat.
just to a dept. store restaurant in the mall where we work.

now.
i have to tell you about a life changing experience.
a life defining moment in fact.
they had a 'senior's menu'.
for  "55 and up."
$6 including beverage and a dessert.

i realized something right there and then.
that it all came down to the choices on that menu.
pick from the main menu for regular people and pay full price
OR
pick from the little insert 'seniors' menu',

my heart beat a little faster.
i think i heard a violin start to play.
was it TIME?
am i really THERE now?
when did it come to THIS?
will life as i know it ever be the same if i go there?
does this mean bifocals on a chain, comfy shoes, dentures, bright cardies and high waisted elastic pants?
people speaking louder and more slowly when i'm around?
and my kids and grandkids slowly shaking their heads and exchanging knowing looks as i fail to grasp the concept of things.
'poor NaNa."

i was sweating.

well,
you know what happened right?
what?
Leo Di Caprio came storming in yelling,
'NO-O-O CLIPPY! DON'T! DON'T DO IT! COME BACK!"

alas, not quite.

i held the menu and pointed to the selection on the seniors menu when the waitress came to take my order.
yes, it was a picture menu.
i felt sad!
Changed!
Defined!
i was at once demoralized,  humbled, AGED and yet, strangely elated.
SIX BUCKS?
bring it.
the whole night cost me under $20.
"now get outta my way sonny."

20 comments:

Steve said...

I am lmao at the pension book pic. Fabulous. Given your sense of humour I think it'll be a long while before full blown old age curmudgeonliness takes over. But even when it does it'll be fun.

The Incredible Woody said...

$20 for dinner and a movie. Bring it!!

Busy Bee Suz said...

JESUS!!!!!
This made me laugh too hard. I think I wet my depends.
I did not even know you could qualify for a senior menu price...Is is my imagination, or are seniors getting younger and younger? Pretty soon 40 will be the senior price too. And I will enjoy my 6 dollar meal.
So was the food good?

I screamed in the movie theater one time. The Sixth Sense. Scared the poop out of me. I wish I had on my depends back then.


xoxox
Suz

Clippy Mat said...

Steve:
even WHEN it does?
WHEN?
say it ain't so.
i will not get any older. i just refuse.
;-)

woody:
i brung it. :-)

Suz: seniors are definitely getting younger.
(that's the way i've chosen to look at this.)
:-)

karen gerstenberger said...

This is too funny! I was thinking something along the lines of what Suz said - she and I think too much alike.

While I can't quite picture you as a "senior," I say, take the benefits of your "seniority" (remember how great it was, how prestigious, to be in the oldest class at school?) and RUN with them. I know you are still spry enought to run!

Molly Potter said...

bifocals on a chain, comfy shoes, dentures, bright cardies and high waisted elastic pants?

In all honesty - that would be classy for me. I will aspire.

C said...

lmao at this! i say take the senior menu even if you arent there yet... any discounts in the already too 'spensive world, helps...

you made me laugh...@ pension book...

we are NOT getting older, we are aging like a fine wine, only to become richer, and more potent! bwahahaha

c

Clippy Mat said...

karen:
sadly i was never spry enough to run. do you think it's too late to start?

molly:
aim high. that's what i always say.
;-)

C:
fine wine? yeah, that's it. i like that. now where DID i put my glass?
:-)

Pam said...

I loved the Pension Book but I definitely see you out on the town with Leo rather than Cliff Richard! Thanks for the laugh. X

Attila The Mom said...

LOVE the movie review. I'll have to go see it.

French Fancy said...

This fabulous post has meant that you are the latest super duper blogger to be clamped to my sidebar. In about seven years time I will qualify for cheap train travel in France and I can't wait!

You get what you can out of being older - and anyway you don't look it.

Clippy Mat said...

Pam:
you are so right. Cliff is WA-AY too old for me. ;-)

ATM: Do it, but keep a tight hold on the popcorn. ;-)

FF: cheap rail travel in France IS a perk for sure. :-)

Gill - That British Woman said...

what a super post Clippy.

It's very confusing though as some places you can be a "senior" at 55, other's not until 60 or 65.

A lot of people have "raved" about Shutter Island. I'll wait until it comes out on DVD, or until the kids suddenly have a copy of it (wink, wink) and then will watch it,

Gill

Snooty Primadona said...

Get out! No one here in my little corner of the world offers any deals for the OVER 55 CROWD. It's always 60 or 65, which does give me something to look forward to I suppose.

I'm not sure I can see that movie, even though it stars Leo the Lion himself. I don't like to be scared...

Expat mum said...

In the States you get your AARP (Retired Persons) membership at 50! Not sure what all the benefits are though.

Clippy Mat said...

Gill: i hope you get to see it soon.


Snoots: it is scary,but in a suspenseful sort of way, not in a horrific way. if you follow.

EPMum: i love the fact that the AARP is a force to be reckoned with.

J. Hi said...

When I saw 'Paranormal Activity' I think I actually talked to the screen. It was something like,"Oh no, he didn't!!"

$20 is a great deal but you know you will have to start eating dinner at 4pm now with the other seniors. ;)

Anonymous said...

lol mom. i cant believe you sold your non senior status for a 6 dollar meal! GASP. but hey, a discount's a discount.

id like to have been there with ya and gone to that movie :)

love you

jenn x x x

Kee said...

Hilarious! Is now a bad time to tell you we already shake our heads at you and have for a few year's now?.....KIDDING!

Kee said...

Hilarious! Is now not a good time to let you in on the fact that we DO shake our heads at you already and have been for a few year's now. LOL. Kidding!