Wednesday, November 21, 2012

Say Ch**se?

Do you ever PANIC  in case the FBI, CIA, NSA, MI5, or some such LAW ENFORCEMENT AGENCY  is going to come storming into your house, dressed  SWAT STYLE and brandishing high powered weapons; crashing down the front door as they SCREAM and YELL and then proceed to arrest you and  haul you off to GITMO?

I KNOW! ME TOO!

Considering when I wrote my last post I'd Googled a few words which aren't usually part of my everyday jargon; and then yesterday I Googled 'SEMTEX' because I was leaving a comment on someone's blog regarding cheese and wasn't sure how to spell it!

My comment was about _S________  and its resemblance to cheese. (Don't want to keep using that word so I'll let you  fill in the _______________________for yourself).
(I'm afraid that the more I use it the more likely I am to tip off the anti______ squad that I'm writing words like that.)

We all know there are thousands of people who are employed to sit for endless hours, in front of banks of computers in order to read/scan our emails, blogs and Facebook posts all day long, every day, to make sure we're behaving and not threatening National Security etc. They   zone in on buzz words such as ______________ and ____________________. 

You can see why I'm worried.

(I'm sure my using those two words N__________  and  S________ in the same paragraph as the other s_____________ word,  has set off at least 17 alarm bells in that office;  red lights FLASHING, klaxons BLARING and people jumping to their feet, grabbing assault rifles and flak jackets, as their chairs go SPINNING out behind them.)

I was writing about s__________ because FLY 's post about Cheese, which was most mouth-watering, reminded me of my dear Ma in Law, who is always referred to as NooNoo.

Quite a few years ago on one of her many visits from England to Canada, she arrived heavy-laden with luggage. She had  brought only a few clothes, but she did have a frozen leg of HAM, a MASSIVE block of cheese that greatly resembled ______________ ,
as per this image: (which I found on Wikipedia)
 
and that entailed me typing in that word _s__________ again to find said image and then COPY AND PASTE e it to HERE  from THERE 

Oh God, what have I done?

NooNoo also had several tins of Marrowfat peas, Rington's teabags, Cadbury's chocolate, Curly Wurly's,  Blue Ribands, Penguins and Creme Eggs for the kids, Turkish Delights for my other half, her
 favourite son,  and a bottle of WINDOLENE  for me! 
Yes, WINDOLENE!
Not WINE!

I think that may have been her subtle way of telling me that I should go on a diet.
 (I am not sure if Windolene can be used in assembling exp---ing de---es, but man it made my patio windows shine!)

It was my other half who remarked on the resemblance between a massive block of  s____________ and that block of cheese! 

Don't ask me HOW that sweet little old lady got through customs and security with all of those goodies in her bags. I suppose those were easier times back then -  before that day when EVERYTHING CHANGED.

You know, THAT day!
I'm definitely not writing THAT down!

uh-oh is that the door?
QUICK! HIDE THE CHEESE!


8 comments:

Smoochy Mahoochy said...

You know how all these agencies & watchers ultimatley answer to one higher being Pat? THAT is how she gets all that through customs..

The bike shed said...

You'll be a marked woman (and blog) now. And no chance of becoming a blog of note on Google!

Gill - That British Woman said...

when my brother came over one time with his golf clubs, he had tins of beans and sausages in there for our son. That would have showed up on the scanners you would have thought? He didn't get stopped though.

So I am guessing if we don't hear from you for a while "they" have taken you away for questioning?

Gill

Steve said...

I knew it. I had you pegged down as Al Qaeda years ago. Or do I mean Al Jazeera?

ChiTown Girl said...

You would be AMAZED at what my mother brings back each year from Italy. I have no idea how she hasn't been stopped. She could open a small import store with her stash every year!

And, yes, we love every bit of it!

the fly in the web said...

Mea culpa!

Friends are convinced that the only reason I'm not on Devil's Island is because the French security services...loyal to French values....can't read English....

And now I've put a fellow blogger under suspicion.....by discussing cheese....

Busy Bee Suz said...

Oh my gosh. NooNoo has breached national security times 10!!! You are all going down. IT was nice knowing you Clippy! :)
Coach always hides salami and cheese when he travels home from Italy. Um, yeah, he hid the salami from me. I mean from security.
Apparently I only know bad people.
XO

Stephanie said...

LOL So I wasn't worried, but I am now!!
I'm the girl who worries about what is in my car when I drive across the boarder...I won't even take an apple across. I can't imagine what a big old search of my blog would show up :P)