Tuesday, December 2, 2008
It's beginning to look a lot like ..... fill in the blanks
Christmas is coming,
the goose is getting fat,
please put a penny in the old man's hat.
If you haven't got a penny, a halfpenny will do,
if you haven't got a halfpenny,
God Bless you.
ah childhood memories.
the good old days.
we used to sing that song every year at Christmas.
have no idea why, because we never had a goose,
and the old man didn't have a hat either come to think of it.
37 years of marriage and christmas traditions in this house; i'd had enough.
i was dragging out the christmas cards, stamps, return address labels, and 2 address books, for cross referencing purposes, when i SNAPPED.
i asked m.o.h. to sit down beside me to at least help to address the envelopes.
how hard can that be?
this would be the first time in our many years of marital bliss that we have shared this life enriching task.
this is what followed.
'oh?' he says, 'what's up with the stamps? you don't have to lick them anymore?'
JUST HOW LONG IS IT SINCE THIS MAN ADDRESSED AN ENVELOPE AND PUT A STAMP ON IT?
can we say in our lifetime together;
to my knowledge your honour, this man has never written, stamped or addressed a christmas or birthday card for nearly 40 years.
we began at 6.35 p.m.
i wrote about 15 cards and passed them over for his input.
this was his input.
'where's the pen?'
'what's the last name?' as he rustles thru the address books.
'how are we spelling smith?'
"er like smith'
'well it could be smith with a 'y'."
"well in that case that would be smythe woodentit?" says i between clenched teeth.
"does the postal code go on the line below the county or below the city?"
"why are you sending those people a card? we don't see them anymore.'
"we haven't seen these people since we came to Canada."
"what's my brother's address?"
"shouldn't you send a card to my cousin's daughter?'
'she lives in turkey with a muslim. they don't celebrate christmas.' i explain.
'they like a nice card tho' surely.'
'are we done yet?'
'you've only done 4' i sigh.
'i'm tired and sky sports news is on at 7"
"you have to do some more, i have loads left to do."
'don't send anymore. we'll just not bother this year."
"oh shall we say we forgot when their cards arrive?"
"aye, who cares. waste of time anyway."
"go and watch the sports channel."
"i'm glad i helped you a bit though. that's put a hole in the job eh?'
and santa is a man?
i highly doubt that.