Saturday, January 24, 2009


i happened to mention to m.o.h. over breakfast this morning, as the parlourmaid was bringing in the newspaper and correspondence on a silver tray, while the 2nd housemaid set down a perfect 3 minute egg, toast and preserves, on the pristine-handmade-irish-linen-tablecloth on the stupendously-large-priceless-antique-imported-mahogany-table, in our luxurious-and-ridiculously-suave-and-sophisticated breakfast room on the third floor of our sumptuous-multi-levelled mansion, that i was rather delighted that the temperature was going UP to minus 6 today.

"what SHALL we do in this temperate climate?" i mused aloud as cook came into the breakfast room to replenish the empty dish of kedgeree and to gently enquire how i would like the braces of pheasants, just now caught by our gamekeeper, parker, prepared for this evening's feast, which is to be attended by sir paul mccartney, bono and er, michael flatley?, no, er, sting? no er, simon cowell? yeah that's it.

i mulled this over as i finished my crossword (in under 3 minutes) and inclined my head slightly in the direction of jeeves; his signal to add more coals to the fire and to stoke up a good old blaze.
jeeves knows exactly what my nods mean.
this tilt of the head means, 'more coals', that one, 'more light', and an upward turn of the chin means 'draw the curtains and back slowly and silently out of the room with head bowed.'

what ?

you don't believe that clippy has a house full of servants and people who wait on my every whim?
and, pray, why not?
it could happen.
as if i would make up such a thing.

well actually i WAS trying to impress you.
i had nothing to blog about and i thought you might be interested in what actually goes on here at clippy mansions.
but then,
i thought,
gawd no.
can't tell 'em THAT!

so i thought i'd polish it up with just a little bit of embellishment here and there, thinking that you'd fall for it, er believe it.
but i'm afraid my imagination ran away with me.

a bit.

it's just that i've bought a $10 share in a $40 lottery ticket for this weekend.
the jackpot's up to, oh about !$43 million! i think.


and i started to imagine what it would be like.
would i let it change me that much?
fancy house?
are you kidding me?

i know when m.o.h. and i discuss the 'haves' of this world, as we are sometimes wont to do when bored and tired of hovering over a candle for warmth as we share a jar of cold tea made from a twice brewed teabag, and the things that the haves get up to while they scatter their dosh willy nilly here, there and everywhere, we may pause for a moment in our gentle reverie to be realistic, and yes, somewhat fatalistic, and ask ourselves that one true, burning question,

"but..... are they really happy?"

and the answer, unfailingly, is

"of course they're effing happy! They're LOADED!!"

so allow me my fantasy will you?

and jeeves,
put out that damned light.


MikeH said...

As the saying goes: "I've been rich and I've been poor; rich is better." Stickler that I am for correctly giving credit, I did a Google search and came up with no less than four people this has been attributed to. But Sophie Tucker had the most votes.

C said...

they say that money can't buy happiness....
but i say fuck that, yes it can....
wishing you lots of luck in the lottery. diane and i often fantasize what we will do when we win... its fun until we are slapped back to reality by the phone ringing off the hook by yet one more bill collector... who is threatening to take back the clothes on our back and the soup we just ate, even if it means making us puke to do it and leaving us naked as jay birds.
we're changing our number.


Pam said...

Good luck!! Every time I buy my lottery ticket we give it a big smooch and pin it to the fridge so that I see it each morning and have a little daydream of paying off everyone's mortgages and then having my cats stuffed. They aren't dead yet but I can dream.

A Woman Of No Importance said...

Ah Lady Clippy - Money cannot buy you good breeding and taste, which you have in abundance!

By the way, you can't get the staff around here nowadays - Might you be able to recommend a good Scullery Maid to me for Crawford Towers??! x

Busy Bee Suz said...

YOU crack me up!
Really, I thought that was how everyone lived. geeze. I almost feel bad about having a gardener, house cleaner, pool boy, wet nurse and a personal driver.
Well, I take it back, the personal driver is for the dogs. NOT me.
I don't think money gives you true happiness, it just makes your life easier, so you can find more joy in day to day life. That is my take.
I have been poor. I have been not poor. being not poor is better.
Do you want me to send some candles and new tea bags?

Clippy Mat said...

Mike: speaking as someone who started out wi' nowt and has most of it left, I think Sophie was a wise woman. ;-)

C: change your number fast girl. those debt collectors have no heart. LOL

Pam: Cat lover then? LOL
Keep dreaming. :-)

W.of no I./Lady Crawford:
i can highly recommend the scullery maid and chief cook and bottle washer i have now. aka MOI. how much you paying??

Suz: send candles fast. it's getting dark in here. teabags are hanging out on the line as we speak. should be good for another day or two of brewing. :-))

Grumpy Old Ken said...

Your blog reminds me of the little comedian, Bobby Thompson who you introduced me to a while back. See what good you do in the world'Makes it all worth while.'

Tismee2 said...

Darling, had I only known you lived in such splendour I would have had you round for Pimms by now!

I subscribe to the National Lottery online and every now and again I get an e-mail that says "exciting news about your lottery subscription". I linger a little as the tingle of butterlies increases, knowing it will only be another £10 win, but hoping that it's not. I click the link and hopes my hopes are dashed!

Maybe one day - and I'll buy you a box of Yorkshire Tea bags!

Lakeland Jo said...

I am definitely with Mike H on this one.
Would I have staff, big house, second home, and flash cars?

Evil Twin's Wife said...

I'd love to win the lottery. Too bad we never buy tickets....

The Incredible Woody said...

Money might not buy happiness but I'd damn sure give it a try!!

Gill - That British Woman said...

that reminds me, must go and check my ticket..........I may be a millionaire and don't know it.........don't hold your breath though, hell will freeze over before I win something.........please oh please let there be a trip to Bloor Street this week though!!


Jenn @ Juggling Life said...

If you're happy without money, you'll be happy with it. If you're unhappy without money, you'll still be unhappy with it. I'd sure like to give it a try.