Wednesday, January 5, 2011

Work! That four letter word.

I am still on vacation from work. I have to go back next Monday.
I do not want to go back.
I have bought a lottery ticket and a scratch ticket, which won me another ticket which I have subsequently scratched.
I did not win anything on that second scratch ticket.
I am doubtful about the lottery ticket too as some people in this area just won $20 million.
Lightning won't strike the same place twice will it?
I need to come up with a plan.
I only have a few days left.

When I left the grocery store this morning I walked with eyes downcast in case somebody had lost a winning lottery ticket
or a bag of jewels,
or in case a large bag of  $100 bills had fallen off the back of a wagon.
A security wagon en route to the bank that is.
Naturally I would turn any one of 'em in and claim the reward.
It's the Catholic schoolgirl in me which refuses to let me commit the sin of stealing.
(commandment number 8 I believe)
Speaking of not breaking commandments I also have not carved any graven images (commandment #2).
And where has that got me?
I still have to go back to work.
I could try refusal.
I could just tell my other half that I am NOT going to go and he can't make me!
I should just cling to the door frame and refuse to budge.

I tried that on my first day of school in the infants.
Mrs. C was most insistent that my mother pry herself out of my vice-like grip and release me to HER.
She would 'take care of me'.
So my mother eventually untangled herself from me and the old trout began to drag me, kicking and screaming into her lair classroom, where the other well behaved children stood staring at me, mouths agape.
Mrs. C picked me up.
I clocked her one right across the face and sent her glasses flying.
She dropped me like a hot potato.
I flew to the door.
Margie Raffle, another 5 year old child, beat me to it and barring my exit, fixed me with a meaningful glare.
It said, 'Don't even think about it!'
She was a lot tougher than me.
It was her first day too but I had the feeling that she was no stranger to being left to fend for herself.
Margie had plainly been raised by wolves.
Her mother was the neighbourhood 'Parky' on our council estate.
(If you could call two swings, a rusty roundabout and a sandbox full of broken glass, a park.)
The 'Parky' could put her lippy on without taking the fag out of her mouth.
Margie was letting the teacher know she had her back.
There was no way I was getting past HER!
The teacher gave Margie a look of respect.
She reserved a withering sneer for me.
Defeated and sobbing I slunk off to a corner to lick my wounds and wipe my snot on my sleeve.
My mother was walking down the street and I saw her from the window.
I put my hand on the glass and SCREAMED.
She didn't hear me.

I've never gotten over it really.
I wonder if it would work this time?
I think I could take Margie Raffle now.



Steve said...

Claiming a lost winning lottery ticket as your own can land you in big trouble as they can trace where and when it was purchased from these days - seriously. I think some couple in Wales ended up in prison last year for doing such a thing. So, anyway, if you find my winning lottery ticket... please do hand it back to me. I'd hate for you to end up in Strangeways on my account.

Expat mum said...

Those bliddy parkies are mean and terrible, but putting lippy on with fag still in gob is impressive!

the fly in the web said...

Well, you could bring in cakes for your colleagues and while they're occupied clock the boss a la Mrs. C and be out of a contest between cake and assisting the boss i reckon cake would win.

It would certainly ensure you didn't have to go back.

Clippy Mat said...

Steve: remember that old playground song..'finders keepers, losers weepers'? In infant school we stitched that on our school bags. However I later went on to convent school as I say where the fear of God was firmly instilled in me so I will not claim ownership of your winning ticket. but if you don't share it with me, I will knock your glasses off!

EPMum: I think she was a Conway an'all.

Fly: Alas it's only me and one other coworker and not a boss in sight. I might have to resort to plan B!
I haven't yet formulated that plan B but any other suggestions are greatly appreciated.

Busy Bee Suz said...

I wish you didn't have to go back to work either. Work is no fun. Work is for people who have nothing better to do. Or, perhaps work is for people who need money. Damn, I better get a paying job.
We have also started buying lottery tickets. If we win, I will let you know. Or you will know I won by my lack of blogging.
Love your school story. You were a toughie, weren't you?

Clippy Mat said...

Suz: Yes I was a toughie I suppose. It was eat or be eaten in our neighbourhood.
Please think of me when you win the lottery. See I have that much faith in you that I say when not IF.

the fly in the web said...

Don't I remember that you have potentially lethal chairs at skid across the floor through the open door might be a good exit line...if there is a safe landing outside.

Clippy Mat said...

How kind. You've been working on Plan B on my behalf.
I'm liking it.
There's a balcony right outside our door but I could fake a fall to the side as I fly backwards on that crazy new chair....
I'll give this more thought.

Irritatingly Optimistic said...

I'm going back tomorrow and have just realised it is after eleven o'clock and I was going to be in bed early!

It's not so much the work it's all the bloody e-mails you have to trawl through before you can even start.

I like normality though, a couple of days and I'll be as happy as a pig and I'm sure you will be too!

Now stop distracting me, I need to be up in six an a half hours!

Stephanie Faris said...

I was SO hoping we won the Powerball...but of course, the winner wasn't in Tennessee. The winner is NEVER in Tennessee, darn it!

Clippy Mat said...

I bet you didn't sleep a wink knowing you had to get up and go to work. That'll be me next Sunday night.

Stephanie: If the winner is ever in Tennessee please remember your blogging pal up here in Canada would you?

C said...

so your teacher was named after me, ey? lol i thought so.. 'cept i would have been much kinder...

i wish you and me could win the lotto but everyone wants to. well, if its ever meant to be, it will be...

TechnoBabe said...

The kids who grew up living in nice family neighborhoods just don't know what it is like having to defend yourself, do they? Too bad I wasn't there with you, between the two of us we could have taken the power from little Miss bossy Margie. Ha.

Trish @ Mum's Gone to... said...

We sometimes have a day at the races and my son and his pal always rummage amongst the betting slips littering the ground to see if someone's thrown a winner away by accident - we pretend we're not with them.

Great blog post Clippy x

Clippy Mat said...

C: My Mrs. C. was definitely not as kind as you; though in fairness she wasn't that bad either. I think that was a memorable occasion for both of us. :-)

TBabe: I could have used an ally on that and many other occasions during my school career. I think little miss Margie would have met her match in the two of us! :-)

Trish: I know what you mean! We have a yearly 'coffee cup' contest here and if you roll up the rim you can win a prize. I have seen me check the rims of many discarded coffee cups, 'just in case'. I've seen many others do the same thing so I know I'm not alone.

Notes To Self Plus Two said...

Hey there
Nice to meet you too. Liking the blog! Good luck with the plan ;-).
Otherwise hope its not too painful :-).
yeap, need to think about the comments on my blog ... mmmm.

Clippy Mat said...

Hi Notes to Self X2: Oops make that '+2'. Nice of you to come and visit. I just thought your blog layout was pretty fancy but I couldn't find where to leave a comment at first. I am not up to par with all the fancy gear around tho' so I should get with the program I suppose.

karen gerstenberger said...

You had me at "old trout."
I hope you find a good way out of this predicament. Please do let us know how it is resolved. You are such a clever gal, I am sure you'll think of something.

Mark said...

I saw this quote the other day

It's true hard work never killed anybody, but I figure, why take the chance? Ronald Reagan

Made me laugh anyway

Clippy Mat said...

Karen: Your confidence in me is a little bit intimidating LOL but I shall do my best to live up to your expectations.

Mark: Who knew Ronald Reagan was so witty? Not me! I agree with him tho' and that is probably the first and only time I would say that.