Wednesday, October 22, 2014

Why don't you shout into my ear trumpet?

There's nowt wrong with getting older.
Because we know what the alternative is, right?
It's just that when you do start to get older then you realize you are now perceived as being 'past your sell by date' by others.


I know. I was young myself once. I can remember it quite well, because it feels like it was only yesterday.
When I was younger I thought that anyone who had 10 or 20 years on me was over the hill and I dismissed them, for the most part, as has-beens
I wish I could go back in time and smack myself one upside the head. But it's part of the natural order I suppose.

Luckily, I am reassured by there being lots of famous, and not so famous, people in my age group who are still waving the flag for my generation. YAY FOR THE SEXAGENARIANS. Yes, we are defined as such because WE, of course, invented sex.

My peers are still doing their thing, some better than ever, (Annie Lennox for one) and  are aging gracefully, i.e. without the aid of plastic surgery. Believe me, in the industry I'm working in now I see people who are a lot younger than us who have been under the knife, or have been injected with something to fill in lines or plump up wrinkles. They may get rid of a line or two, or lift a sag here and there but the end result is still scary. It doesn't look right! Sorry. Why are we afraid to look our ages?

But, that's not what I was going to say was I?
I am on about young whippersnappers who think that the world belongs to THEM. That what they have currently at their fingertips, i.e. technology and other such amazing resources is their birth right and that people of my generation don't get it. They behave as if we are still trying to come to terms with the invention of the wheel.

Case in point:
I'm quite sure that a woman in her twenties with whom I work, speaks more slowly and a tad louder when she's telling me something about her life. Last week, talking about how she's charting her exercise schedule, she asked me if I knew what an APP was?
So I replied quite loudly, hand to ear in my crotchety old lady voice; "A NAP? YOU NEED A NAP? I'll give you a nap in a minute when I knock you out missy!"
She thinks I'm funny.
I really would like to slap her.

The thing is you do get a bit more forgetful as you get older. My mother had dementia so I am always on guard of course and I sometimes feel that the kids eye me cautiously when I make a faux pas in the lingo department. They do talk over the top of you too when they're all together. Luckily my other half and I in return, make eye signals to each other over their heads and realize that we were the same when we were, (oh that lovely word), younger  and no doubt their kids will do the same to them.  Ah, the circle of life.

So where was I?
Who are you?
Has anybody seen my keys?

Oh right. I was going to tell you that after my last post where I wrote about doing the Great North Run Half Marathon next September, (if-I-can-get-a-place) that I'm sticking to my guns. I've been walking/running for the last month and have joined a Running Club. The first 10 weeks are done as a clinic and the last one will be a 5K run on New Year's Eve. I think I'm the oldest one in the new runners group!

I may be heading over the hill, but I'm damn well going to run down the other side!

Wednesday, September 24, 2014

What was I thinking?

I am nothing if I'm not impulsive.
Therefore, it should come as no surprise that I just sometimes open my mouth and say things before I think them through.
Like telling people I want to participate in the Great North Run in 2015.
I was inspired after watching the fabulous opening ceremonies online and by my niece who was running for her charity, Alzheimer's, because that's what took the life of her grandmother, my mother.

This is a 1/2 marathon, 13 miles to be exact and it takes place in the North East of England every September.
Over 50,000 people participate.

What was I thinking?

Now I'll have to put my money where my mouth is and start training. There are a few pros and cons to my entering a competitive race for the first time. A half marathon indeed.
The pros are:
It will be a great boost to my self esteem if I manage to pull it off and as a side benefit I will get fit and hopefully lose weight in the process.


The cons are:
I am 60 years of age and will be 61 next year when the event happens. Maybe it's too late to start doing half marathons. Perhaps my knees or back or ankles will give out and I'll be crippled.
I am unfit.
I am overweight.
I haven't, in spite of searching my memory in a vain attempt to find something that would justify my madness,  ran for any period of time greater than the time it takes to run from the car to a building when it's pishing down.
I don't do any form of exercise at all.
I am lazy.
I am good at starting things but not always good at seeing them through.

So if I can stay motivated that will be the challenge.

I've started a little group on Facebook for my daughter, sister, and three nieces.  We are all aiming to compete (participate) next year. There'll be no competition on my part. Participating is the goal. It's so we can post our activities and progress to 'keep the dream alive' as it were.

So far I've increased my activity by walking daily; with the exception of last week which was very traumatic and I will hopefully post about that this week.
I live at the top of a very steep hill so that should help increase my fitness right?
Ooh that sounds grand doesn't it?
You picture me in a grand mansion at the end of a long, long, driveway on top of a very steep hill?
Not quite.
We live on the Niagara Escarpment which is lovely and from some vantage points on the hill you can see across Lake Ontario to Toronto where the CN Tower marks the horizon. On a clear day it's beautiful.

I stole this picture from the Great North Run website.
That's the Red Arrows Flying over the Tyne Bridge at the start of the race.

What an amazing start. Now if they can just keep jets with multi-coloured jetstreams flying overhead while I run, okay walk, for 13 miles I might stay motivated to finish.

Sunday, March 23, 2014

Hello little blog

I do miss my little blog.
I come over here sometimes and have a peek and see how it's doing and check up on some of my favourite blogs; those ones over there on the right.
It's a bit like coming home. I'm not sure why I consistently neglect it but in spite of being full of good intentions it seems to happen.
Not today tho'. It's time I dropped in and brought it back to life a little.

Recently I've been spending a lot of  (okay, WAY too much) time on Facebook where I've been reconnecting with people I knew back in my old home town. Everybody's old home town has a FB page and if you want to go down memory lane it's the best possible place to do it. If they don't have a page for your home town then you need to start one.

There's something magical about childhood beginnings. Looking at pictures of places and people from over home, from times past evokes long forgotten memories which can often be quite emotional.

I think the older I get  means that in many ways, the past becomes more important. It's sort of like trying to figure out who you are and how you got here. I am hurtling towards a big birthday this year and I can't for the life of me figure out where the years have gone.

Someone on this FB page messaged me and mentioned quite a few details about myself and my family she recalled from growing up in the same street.  The funny thing is that I can not for the life of me remember HER. Nothing. I can go down the street and name every family in every house and this involves knowing the names of the people who lived in the houses to the left and the right of where she tells me she lived, but I cannot place her at all. I can picture the houses, the windows, the gardens, the curtains even. When I get to her house it's almost like it's boarded up in my head.  It's weird. I know I will walk or drive down that old street next time I'm visiting and then maybe the memory will be unlocked.

Then I've been messaging back and forwards with a girl I recognized on the page who lived in the next street to me. She had a large black, lazy old dog which we used to have to walk. I remember in her back garden was a magnificent gooseberry bush and we picked it bare and ate every one of those berries until I was almost sick. The first time I'd ever eaten gooseberries and I can instantly recall their taste now. I remembered her older sister who was part of a band with a very American name. Winetka Sound. It sounded so cool. They did 'gigs' in the North East and had a van with the band's name painted on the side. I told her my memories and she was thrilled. But. She can't remember the gooseberry bush and has only a vague idea of who I am. Not that this has stopped us becoming 'reacquainted'. We've been chatting online and sharing our 'my-life-so-far' stories. It seems it's enough that we share memories of other people and places, stories and events to connect us.

I've connected with several old friends from school. I went to the same school with all of the same people from infants to seniors, then I left at the age of 13 to go to a convent grammar school after passing my 13 plus. The worst two years of my life. They showed me the door at 15 which was a relief to me, because I'd never fitted in, but was a big shock for my mother, God love her. I shattered all of her dreams right there. Anyway I know all of the people from my first schools and have connected with them so easily again and hope to see some of them when I go home in May for a visit and a birthday celebration. I don't think I could say the same about the convent school. Don't know anyone from those days and probably wouldn't recognize their names or faces. I do  remember the nuns though.

So anyway. I have to go and fold some laundry and make a Sunday dinner for the troops; i.e. the family. But it's been nice to visit and I might come back again soon.

Tuesday, December 31, 2013

Clippy`s Helpful Tips pre 2014.

how to buy movie tickets online. find website. google will direct you first to a map on how to get to several movies theatres in your province. not useful, because you need to buy tickets first. select city and theatre. select movie and time of show. select number of tickets required. click on PROCEED at the bottom of the page. when requested enter user name and log in. create new password when username and password are rejected. create new username when robot tells you this is NOT your username!  i) go to inbox to retrieve email requesting confirmation of your application. respond to email by clicking on link in the body of the message. ii). return  to inbox to retrieve your computer generated password.   not working? did you check the box that says yes, you did in fact generate the request for movie theatre membership.. go back and check the box. check ALL boxes to be on the safe side.  connect to the movie website (again). begin the process again and enter the same information using your new username and password.  repeat this twice. passwords do not match.  you have been timed out. go back to email click on link again, don't forget to ACCEPT the terms and conditions of your membership.   
do you want to share your movie membership on Facebook? (no I prefer to keep the exciting details of my fascinatingly hectic private life to myself thank you.) 

select payment method. enter credit card number, expiry date and 3 digit security number on back of card.  complete a security interception by your bank asking for  a password you may or may not have created the last time you shopped online. create NEW password. confirm you are in fact, YOU by entering your date of birth, your mother's maiden name and the name of your first pet and possibly the street you lived on growing up.  verify your purchase and proceed to check out. Not yet? return to movie website and NOW complete purchase. check box to receive tickets in your email. go to email. open attachment. print tickets. tickets do not print. try again. tickets still do not print. printer is unresponsive. reboot computer. wait for computer to restart. now enter your password to log in. ask yourself why do you even have a password on your computer in the first place. wait for printer to begin to print.  Success, it is printing! and printing. it is printing 3 copies of an article it REFUSED to print 3 weeks ago. no tickets are printed. 

3 copies of old article are each 4 pages long. reams of paper are spewing out of your printer faster than it`s ever printed before. it seems almost angry!!  go to email. open attachment and reprint tickets. success. tickets print. 3 times and 3 pages each. hand tickets to daughter who is going to the movies with her niece and nephew.  rip up 23 pages of unnecessary printing in a frenzy. lie down. 

next time go to box office. buy tickets from spotty teenager.  

Happy New Year Bloggers

Thursday, March 14, 2013

Close the netty door!

I just spent five minutes reading the comments on my last post. Thanks for those. I was looking for the Like button after each one.I just can't make my mind up on whether I should reply to your comment if you were so kind as to leave one. Do you come back to check or have you just moved on completely? It's a tough call so when in doubt, do nowt is my motto.
Just know that your words are like gold unto me. I love you.

Moving right along.

I was in the grocery store this morning and tho' we are practically a border town, 11kms from Niagara Falls and the bridge to the USA, I try to spend my money in Canada to support, well the Chinese economy basically.  You know, so they become stronger to take over the world, making us all work in their paddy fields and forcing us to bear one child per household, not to mention eating our rice with chopsticks! How ridiculous is that? I'll go to a POW camp first Mr Chan.

And because I'm too bloody lazy to be interrogated by a customs officer for a carton of milk and a brick of cheese, a case of beer and a tank of gas I don't do what most of the people I know do, which is cross border shop. Which makes them think they have the right to say to me, "HOW much did you pay for those? You know you can get that at TOPS, KOHLS, or insert name of US store here ____________ for a buck fifty."
Smug buggers.

But the point of this is, I was strolling down the aisles in a  local Canadian grocery store this morning, which is normally too expensive for my tastes, but I just couldn't be bothered to be bothered and go another 2kms for a bargain at the cheaper grocery store, when  I almost keeled over. There on the shelves, stacked high and proud,  I saw a pack of 12 double sized toilet rolls for $21.99!!!!
My mouth fell open and I dutifully informed several other shoppers wheeling by, as they squeezed the various packages to determine softness.
"Have you SEEN the price of THESE?"

Nobody seemed to care. They were rating the bog rolls by 'quality' amount of sheets per roll, thickness, weight, length and God knows what else!
Have we lost our minds?
I saw an ad on TV for bog rolls the other day, there was some kind of philharmonic music playing while happy people looked content and (smug) with their choice of bog roll????  What is happening to us? Where's it all going to end?

 I would like to go on record here and now, for the 5 people that might drop by in the next 2 months before I post again, that I will never, EVER, as long as I HAVE a rear end, pay $21.99 for bog roll to wipe my rear end on! I will cross border shop before I do that!

Or, if I still can't be bothered to do that,  I'll hang squares of newspaper on a nail on the back of the door like me mother used to when I was a child. It will prepare me for the hardships of the forced labour camp to come.


Friday, February 8, 2013

Can you last the night?

I've just finished knocking all the cobwebs down with a broom.
It's a bit untidy and echo-ey in here. 

I have not read anyone's blog or even looked at my own for a while until today. Just had a little browse to see what you've all been up to.
 I looked at the sidebar where I list the people whose blogs I was reading regularly and it's quite sad. Some of the people I loved to read have died! I felt like I knew them personally and I still miss them.

Others have been through hell and high water but still manage to make me smile!
Some have just downright neglected their blogs (how could they?) and have not posted for many a long while.

Well really!

Time for a fresh start.
I've missed you.

I had to put that security thing on my comments thing because I was literally getting like 2000 spam messages every day. Mostly they came in the middle of the night for some reason and my blackberry would 'ding' like 14 times in a row when I forgot to put it on mute, and it would wake me up and then I'd HAVE to read what it said, no matter how inane.. Some of them were quite  fascinating and I would spend far too long just  trying to decipher what they were actually trying to get me to buy.  I had to put a stop to it. Really it's relentless isn't it?  Does anybody EVER respond to spam comments selling Viagra, Cyalis, and other shite? I wish I had kept some of them now, to share here, because one or two were real works of art and wonders to behold. I recall this one which went something like this, 'Greetings for your beuaty (sic) and your writings of your humerus (sic)  story so much for me to admire and chortle (?) about and telling of it back to people and then they say how can we buy the new thing that will make us go all night? What can we say that we laugh about and repeat and repeat? We admire you and care for your work, keep us informed."

What can it mean?
Damned robots.

I hate those security things that you have to read, which are impossible to see, and then you THINK you've typed it in and it won't accept it and then you have to do it again, and again. 

You're never going to comment here again are you?

Wednesday, November 21, 2012

Say Ch**se?

Do you ever PANIC  in case the FBI, CIA, NSA, MI5, or some such LAW ENFORCEMENT AGENCY  is going to come storming into your house, dressed  SWAT STYLE and brandishing high powered weapons; crashing down the front door as they SCREAM and YELL and then proceed to arrest you and  haul you off to GITMO?


Considering when I wrote my last post I'd Googled a few words which aren't usually part of my everyday jargon; and then yesterday I Googled 'SEMTEX' because I was leaving a comment on someone's blog regarding cheese and wasn't sure how to spell it!

My comment was about _S________  and its resemblance to cheese. (Don't want to keep using that word so I'll let you  fill in the _______________________for yourself).
(I'm afraid that the more I use it the more likely I am to tip off the anti______ squad that I'm writing words like that.)

We all know there are thousands of people who are employed to sit for endless hours, in front of banks of computers in order to read/scan our emails, blogs and Facebook posts all day long, every day, to make sure we're behaving and not threatening National Security etc. They   zone in on buzz words such as ______________ and ____________________. 

You can see why I'm worried.

(I'm sure my using those two words N__________  and  S________ in the same paragraph as the other s_____________ word,  has set off at least 17 alarm bells in that office;  red lights FLASHING, klaxons BLARING and people jumping to their feet, grabbing assault rifles and flak jackets, as their chairs go SPINNING out behind them.)

I was writing about s__________ because FLY 's post about Cheese, which was most mouth-watering, reminded me of my dear Ma in Law, who is always referred to as NooNoo.

Quite a few years ago on one of her many visits from England to Canada, she arrived heavy-laden with luggage. She had  brought only a few clothes, but she did have a frozen leg of HAM, a MASSIVE block of cheese that greatly resembled ______________ ,
as per this image: (which I found on Wikipedia)
and that entailed me typing in that word _s__________ again to find said image and then COPY AND PASTE e it to HERE  from THERE 

Oh God, what have I done?

NooNoo also had several tins of Marrowfat peas, Rington's teabags, Cadbury's chocolate, Curly Wurly's,  Blue Ribands, Penguins and Creme Eggs for the kids, Turkish Delights for my other half, her
 favourite son,  and a bottle of WINDOLENE  for me! 

I think that may have been her subtle way of telling me that I should go on a diet.
 (I am not sure if Windolene can be used in assembling exp---ing de---es, but man it made my patio windows shine!)

It was my other half who remarked on the resemblance between a massive block of  s____________ and that block of cheese! 

Don't ask me HOW that sweet little old lady got through customs and security with all of those goodies in her bags. I suppose those were easier times back then -  before that day when EVERYTHING CHANGED.

You know, THAT day!
I'm definitely not writing THAT down!

uh-oh is that the door?