Close the netty door!

I just spent five minutes reading the comments on my last post. Thanks for those. I was looking for the Like button after each one.I just can't make my mind up on whether I should reply to your comment if you were so kind as to leave one. Do you come back to check or have you just moved on completely? It's a tough call so when in doubt, do nowt is my motto.
Just know that your words are like gold unto me. I love you.

Moving right along.

I was in the grocery store this morning and tho' we are practically a border town, 11kms from Niagara Falls and the bridge to the USA, I try to spend my money in Canada to support, well the Chinese economy basically.  You know, so they become stronger to take over the world, making us all work in their paddy fields and forcing us to bear one child per household, not to mention eating our rice with chopsticks! How ridiculous is that? I'll go to a POW camp first Mr Chan.

And because I'm too bloody lazy to be interrogated by a customs officer for a carton of milk and a brick of cheese, a case of beer and a tank of gas I don't do what most of the people I know do, which is cross border shop. Which makes them think they have the right to say to me, "HOW much did you pay for those? You know you can get that at TOPS, KOHLS, or insert name of US store here ____________ for a buck fifty."
Smug buggers.

But the point of this is, I was strolling down the aisles in a  local Canadian grocery store this morning, which is normally too expensive for my tastes, but I just couldn't be bothered to be bothered and go another 2kms for a bargain at the cheaper grocery store, when  I almost keeled over. There on the shelves, stacked high and proud,  I saw a pack of 12 double sized toilet rolls for $21.99!!!!
My mouth fell open and I dutifully informed several other shoppers wheeling by, as they squeezed the various packages to determine softness.
"Have you SEEN the price of THESE?"

Nobody seemed to care. They were rating the bog rolls by 'quality' amount of sheets per roll, thickness, weight, length and God knows what else!
Have we lost our minds?
I saw an ad on TV for bog rolls the other day, there was some kind of philharmonic music playing while happy people looked content and (smug) with their choice of bog roll????  What is happening to us? Where's it all going to end?

 I would like to go on record here and now, for the 5 people that might drop by in the next 2 months before I post again, that I will never, EVER, as long as I HAVE a rear end, pay $21.99 for bog roll to wipe my rear end on! I will cross border shop before I do that!

Or, if I still can't be bothered to do that,  I'll hang squares of newspaper on a nail on the back of the door like me mother used to when I was a child. It will prepare me for the hardships of the forced labour camp to come.

:-)

Can you last the night?

I've just finished knocking all the cobwebs down with a broom.
It's a bit untidy and echo-ey in here. 
HALLL0000000!

I have not read anyone's blog or even looked at my own for a while until today. Just had a little browse to see what you've all been up to.
 I looked at the sidebar where I list the people whose blogs I was reading regularly and it's quite sad. Some of the people I loved to read have died! I felt like I knew them personally and I still miss them.

Others have been through hell and high water but still manage to make me smile!
Some have just downright neglected their blogs (how could they?) and have not posted for many a long while.

Well really!

Time for a fresh start.
I've missed you.

I had to put that security thing on my comments thing because I was literally getting like 2000 spam messages every day. Mostly they came in the middle of the night for some reason and my blackberry would 'ding' like 14 times in a row when I forgot to put it on mute, and it would wake me up and then I'd HAVE to read what it said, no matter how inane.. Some of them were quite  fascinating and I would spend far too long just  trying to decipher what they were actually trying to get me to buy.  I had to put a stop to it. Really it's relentless isn't it?  Does anybody EVER respond to spam comments selling Viagra, Cyalis, and other shite? I wish I had kept some of them now, to share here, because one or two were real works of art and wonders to behold. I recall this one which went something like this, 'Greetings for your beuaty (sic) and your writings of your humerus (sic)  story so much for me to admire and chortle (?) about and telling of it back to people and then they say how can we buy the new thing that will make us go all night? What can we say that we laugh about and repeat and repeat? We admire you and care for your work, keep us informed."

What can it mean?
Damned robots.

I hate those security things that you have to read, which are impossible to see, and then you THINK you've typed it in and it won't accept it and then you have to do it again, and again. 

You're never going to comment here again are you?

Say Ch**se?

Do you ever PANIC  in case the FBI, CIA, NSA, MI5, or some such LAW ENFORCEMENT AGENCY  is going to come storming into your house, dressed  SWAT STYLE and brandishing high powered weapons; crashing down the front door as they SCREAM and YELL and then proceed to arrest you and  haul you off to GITMO?

I KNOW! ME TOO!

Considering when I wrote my last post I'd Googled a few words which aren't usually part of my everyday jargon; and then yesterday I Googled 'SEMTEX' because I was leaving a comment on someone's blog regarding cheese and wasn't sure how to spell it!

My comment was about _S________  and its resemblance to cheese. (Don't want to keep using that word so I'll let you  fill in the _______________________for yourself).
(I'm afraid that the more I use it the more likely I am to tip off the anti______ squad that I'm writing words like that.)

We all know there are thousands of people who are employed to sit for endless hours, in front of banks of computers in order to read/scan our emails, blogs and Facebook posts all day long, every day, to make sure we're behaving and not threatening National Security etc. They   zone in on buzz words such as ______________ and ____________________. 

You can see why I'm worried.

(I'm sure my using those two words N__________  and  S________ in the same paragraph as the other s_____________ word,  has set off at least 17 alarm bells in that office;  red lights FLASHING, klaxons BLARING and people jumping to their feet, grabbing assault rifles and flak jackets, as their chairs go SPINNING out behind them.)

I was writing about s__________ because FLY 's post about Cheese, which was most mouth-watering, reminded me of my dear Ma in Law, who is always referred to as NooNoo.

Quite a few years ago on one of her many visits from England to Canada, she arrived heavy-laden with luggage. She had  brought only a few clothes, but she did have a frozen leg of HAM, a MASSIVE block of cheese that greatly resembled ______________ ,
as per this image: (which I found on Wikipedia)
 
and that entailed me typing in that word _s__________ again to find said image and then COPY AND PASTE e it to HERE  from THERE!   

Oh God, what have I done?

NooNoo also had several tins of Marrowfat peas, Rington's teabags, Cadbury's chocolate, Curly Wurly's,  Blue Ribands, Penguins and Creme Eggs for the kids, Turkish Delights for my other half, her
 favourite son,  and a bottle of WINDOLENE  for me! 
Yes, WINDOLENE!
Not WINE!

I think that may have been her subtle way of telling me that I should go on a diet.
 (I am not sure if Windolene can be used in assembling exp---ing de---es, but man it made my patio windows shine!)

It was my other half who remarked on the resemblance between a massive block of  s____________ and that block of cheese! 

Don't ask me HOW that sweet little old lady got through customs and security with all of those goodies in her bags. I suppose those were easier times back then -  before that day when EVERYTHING CHANGED.

You know, THAT day!
I'm definitely not writing THAT down!

uh-oh is that the door?
QUICK! HIDE THE CHEESE!

I'd tell you, but I'd have to kill you.

because I have been working for the government, (and obviously i'm not at liberty to say which government), doing undercover work, i have been unable to write any posts for a VERY long time.

if my cover was successful then you probably won't even have been aware of my absence. which means my cunning plan worked!

my work is top secret and very IMPORTANT and leaves me little time for  much else.
when i'm online i'm mainly deciphering top secret codes, tracking agents, that sort of thing.

sometimes though, while i'm waiting for agent so and so to make a move or to send a signal,  i read YOUR blogs and i see that everything's been getting along quite nicely without me.

there YOU are, posting left right and centre and looking, quite frankly, a little smug.
well,
if i had NOTHING better or as IMPORTANT to do then i might be able to keep up with you.
but i do.
so i can't.

however now that the US election is sorted and i can relax a little, i thought i'd better take a minute or two to log on, as it were, to something that doesn't require me to have my eyeball scanned while my thumbprint is verified.

it's time to get back to normality.

and even, reality. (!)

so.... 
right then, now what?

well, er that's it really.
nothing else actually.

don't try to decipher this message if you're thinking that it might be some kind of encrypted code because frankly, smarter people than you have tried.

and look where it got THEM! 

 

over and out Roger!

 

 

http://www.kidzworld.com/article/7261-becoming-a-secret-agent  

 http://www.infowars.com/source-secret-service-agent-dead-of-apparent-suicide/

this is where I stole the images

Something to think about

I've been reading some of the same blogs for several years now and one of them is by a person I've come to think of as a friend. Her name is Chris and she lives in Nebraska

During the last year I have been saddened to read her frank, often funny and always heartfelt posts as her life has been turned upside down. A long term relationship with her English girlfriend fell apart and left her devastated and alone. Then fate kicked in and kicked her harder with one death's door illness and life changing event after another.

I should say Chris and I  have never met  (yet) though I've not met any of the people whose blogs I visit either, but after a while you just know who the people are that you would like in real life because you relate to what they write, or just plain enjoy their spin on things.

Chris is living below the bread line. She is a nurse but now is in danger of losing her nursing license as she cannot afford to renew it. That would take away the only future chance she has of digging herself out of this mess, because as you know, the further down into the hole you go, the harder it is to climb out. In fact she's lived on NOTHING for several months, except for the kindness of some of her family. She cannot get government assistance although she's fighting the system - Good Luck with that if Romney gets in, he's already discounted people like her anyway.

She has always shared her story but wasn't asking for help. She was just desperate and hoping for something good to happen. A few other people I've 'met' through reading each others blogs thought that it would be a good idea, and perhaps her only chance, if she was to sign up with  this amazing website to get her out of this situation and help her move forward. So we persuaded her to do it. You will see the link to it at the top of my page.

It seems that each of us, unbeknown to the other, had wanted to do something for her.  We discovered this when we emailed each other, wondering what could be done. We'd each felt that alone, our meagre contribution would be a drop in the bucket and wouldn't make much difference. But now with this, she is already on her way to her goal of $2000.

Personally, I think that's an unrealistic goal. Rent and nursing licenses and 'luxuries' such as food and gas will not be covered by that amount and I'd like to see her get more than that. To not just pull her out of the hole, but to help her feel a bit more secure as she moves forward. Believe me, she will get up again. I don't know that I would have been able to under the same circumstances but she's an amazing lady. I'm pretty sure I might have laid down and refused to go on should the same, or even ANY of those things, have happened to me. Sometimes I was afraid to read her latest posts because I feared what else could go wrong and when she stopped posting for a while I knew that it was really just too much for her to even share anymore.

I hope that you will feel inclined to contribute any small amount at all that you can afford. Even a few dollars from enough people is a life changer. 

I see this as giving a deserving person a hand UP and not a hand OUT.
I hope you will too.

Thanks for reading.
Clippy.

Go Away! Leave me alone.

Just like Greta Garbo,  I 'vant to be alone.'
I crave solitude.
In fact this morning as I dusted the living room furniture, punched up the pillows and realigned everything on the book shelf (don't spirit levels come in handy?) I had the urge to just plop down on the couch and put my feet up. Silly moi!

So, I organized my books into a neat pile on top of the footstool. From large to small, they stacked almost a foot high.  These are the books that I've been trying to find time to read this year. I don't want to put them on the bookshelf because that would be like admitting defeat; as long as they're out there in front of the arm chair then I can imagine that I'm going to have the time to sit down and read one of them. And maybe even FINISH it! They are all half begun because soon I'm disturbed by the needs of people and the world, (selfish buggers).

I also re-stacked my unread magazines and lovingly stroked their covers as I lined them up in chronological order.  (You do that too, right?)

When I finished I thought how nice and tranquil the room looked.
Neat and tidy and very welcoming.

If only I had TIME to sit in it.

I found myself seriously daydreaming about being locked in there with my unfinished reading material.  I have my music in there too. Hundreds of tunes on my iPod.  If someone was to slide some food in from time to time through the door, opened only wide enough to allow a tray and a cup glass to pass through, I would be in my element.

I saw a contraption in a store today. It's a tray of sorts which fits across the top of the bath by clamping to either side of it.  It comes with a stand which folds out as a book rest and a little groove for your wine glass, plus a space for a candle!! How Ridiculous! Who's got time for THAT?  I've tried reading in the bath but I've dropped the book in the water more times than I can remember because I always fall asleep as soon as I get in.  I've tried drinking wine in the bath too but I've ended up with a wine stained, soaking wet book.  I dread to think what would happen if I added a candle to the mix. Though it might come in handy for drying the pages.

I suppose you are wondering what kind of demands I have on my time which are so important that I don't even have time to sit and read? Me too! Where does the time go? Up to the age of 40 it meandered along, slowly and often pleasantly. My kids grew up at the usual pace, taking the required time to experience childhood milestones, then puberty, followed by those wonderful teenage years, which are all now (thankfully), a bit of a blur. There always seemed to be time to sit and read books, from start to finish and sometimes, if it was a real page turner I'd read it in one day! I'm baffled as to how I ever managed such a thing? Housework got done, I went to work, I cooked and shopped and went out socially a LOT.  There was never a rush to do things. There was always tomorrow.

Now after 50 and hurtling towards 60 in another few years...................... (God why are you doing this to me? Please make it STOP!) the time is rushing by in a blur. 

I wake up on Monday morning and then, BANG, it's Sunday night again. A week just flew by. Did anybody see it?

Somebody is bound to comment, "You really must make time for yourself Clippy!" 

Well yes, that's true. Tell me where to find that precious time. Even as I sit here blogging it's mocking me from behind and whispering about the hundred other things I've left undone. Do I really have time to even post this? 

If I was to believe those unread magazines, I also must make time to exercise, say prayers, meditate and do yoga, coordinate my wardrobe for the week, declutter my cupboards, drawers and closets, email my family and friends and waste time catch up on Facebook. I must try to keep my hair styled and my nails painted, my feet pedicured and for certain keep those dreaded and unsightly wrinkles and sags at bay. God forbid I don't look flawless at all times.  I must not forget also to keep abreast (geddit?) of  all the bloody things that are required to prevent a post-menopausal woman from dropping to bits. 

I must plan nutritious meals which shouldn't involve mad, last minute shopping on the way home from work and queuing up in front of stupid self-service check outs to tussle with a robotic Nazi who demands I put my goods ON the magic eye thing* and then, two seconds later, ORDERS me to remove them. Then as I struggle to bag my goods and begone, its condescending female voice   orders me, with a new command every few seconds to; "PLEASE TAKE YOUR CHANGE!" "DON'T FORGET YOUR RECEIPT!" "PLEASE REMOVE YOUR BAGS!"  "DON'T FORGET TO TAKE YOUR PURCHASES" (what am I, daft?)  "DON'T FORGET TO GO HOME!"  "YOU HAVE BOUGHT A COMPLETE LOAD OF RUBBISH AND NONE OF IT IS SUITABLE TO MAKE A DECENT MEAL." " DON'T FORGET TO STOP AND PICK UP SOME WINE. YOU'RE GOING TO NEED IT!"  "THANK YOU FOR SHOPPING HERE. HAVE A NICE DAY!'  " NOW GET OUT!"
  Very soon, I'm going to lock myself in the living room for a whole weekend and not come out till I've listened to all the music I've downloaded and not had time to enjoy, and I will finish all of those half read books and unopened magazines, and I will snort at the ridiculous ideals they want me to aspire to, in order to be fulfilled and 'fully alive'.  I will spill wine on my book covers, lounge over the crushed pillows with my feet up,  get grease stains on the pages and drop crumbs between the cushions on the couch!

I'm not going to shower or get dressed either, or comb my hair,  or probably not even look in a mirror the whole time.   So don't bother visiting. It ain't going to be pretty.


 .
*technical term for that thing that you slide your purchase in front of, bar code facing in, or is it down? it beeps, you know, that thing!

I Cook therefore I am. NOT!

I watch the odd cooking show and I confess to being addicted to the train wreck that is Gordon Ramsay on whatever show he is on, which appears to be most of them on US TV at the moment. I watch because I live in hope that one day somebody will give him a taste of his own medicine instead of meekly saying "YES CHEF!" in response to his verbal assaults and temper tantrums.

But the point is, chefs like him (but alas not their students) make it all look so simple.
I'm not that great in the kitchen, but I've had me moments. In 40 years of marriage I've learned a thing or three and two of those things were to get in and get out of the kitchen as fast as possible. Because, let's face it, it's not just the bloody cooking is it? I mean they don't show you the hours of washing pots and pans after it's all done do they? They casually destroy a kitchen in minutes flat, but the fairies must be waiting in the wings for the clean up part, and then you see the finished result which looks mouthwateringly good, not to mention attractively plated and ready to serve. Nobody ever turns the camera on the kitchen sink, walls and floor, fridge and stove aftermath and says, "Now look at THAT bloody mess! It's going to take me FOREVER to clean that sh*t up!"

So I know I'm apt to start imagining things and  I really should think twice when the urge takes me to get in the kitchen and 'create' after watching one of these shows.  "God, that looks SO EASY!" I think. "And as a matter of fact I think I have most of those very ingredients in my fridge and cupboards. I think I'll just go upstairs to the kitchen right NOW and knock that very dish up for my lovely husband."
and I'm quite excited at the thought of all that blending and cutting and mixing and stirring. I can visualize the end result and I just KNOW it's going to be wonderful.


and that's when the trouble starts.
I put a Jamie Oliver video on the Ipad and put it on the kitchen counter next to me as I worked. I was going to make a) Jamie's Fish Pie and b) Jamie's meatballs. Two different meals taken care of for the coming week. Look at me I'm flipping marvelous.

I followed Jamie's steps to a T!
Jamie's fish pie looked fab. My fish pie was absolutely horrendous. How could this be? My other half dutifully ate his way through a plate of the stuff as did I. "Mmmm" he said and smacked his lips as I served it up. By the end we were both silent. I tossed the rest into the compost bin and we've not mentioned it since. Jamie One, Clippy Nil.

Onwards and upwards.
b) Meatballs. Do this! Said Jamie, Yep! Said I.  Do that, he ordered. Yep, I obeyed. Done, done and done.
Serve with pasta. Smelled divine. I channeled my inner Italian Mama for this one. Into the fridge they went to be consumed as meal number two this week.

It may have taken me most of the rest of the day to clean up the resulting mess and destruction -  but it was SURE to be worth it.

OH GOD how is this possible? My other half has just phoned me from work. I sent him with a container of pasta and meatballs for himself and his partner for their evening meal as they are on the late shift.
Panic stricken he asked, "What did you eat for supper?"
Me: "Pasta and meatballs."
Him: "er How was it?"
Me: "Dreadful! I don't think they were right somehow...."
Him: "Gary thinks I'm trying to poison him. They were still pink in the middle."
Me: "Did you both eat them?"
Him: " I ate most of mine. Gary spat his out."
Me: ":Why did you eat yours then?"
Him: "I knew you'd be upset."
Me: "We're going to die."

From now on  I'm going to watch DIY shows only. We have a lot of tools in our shed and I really think I could knock up a nice piece of furniture. It looks quite easy on TV.

Image from here