Sunday, November 28, 2010

slippers baby yeah

( I'm afraid I'm having to resort to trickery. I've had a busy day and no blog post so I'm reposting something from back when I first started my blog but as it only got comments from sympathetic family members then that means you didn't read it. So please indulge me.)

it’s official! my husband and I are boring old farts.
hereinafter referred to as b.o.f.'s.
why? because yesterday i went out and bought each of us a pair of slippers.
"but", you ask "haven’t either of you ever owned a pair of slippers before now"?
well, no not quite.
our daughter once bought some for her dad as a gift. a fancy pair of fur-lined moccasins which he occasionally stepped into but never made the full commitment to; after all slippers are what old people wear, right?
he would put them on if he remembered, but for the most part they lay neglected at the back of the cupboard collecting dust under a pile of shoes.
they were later donated to the charity bin looking as good as new and i like to think that somebody was able to appreciate them and wear them as they should be worn, i.e. an elderly man smoking a pipe and wearing a cardigan with pockets.
we are bare feet or sock feet people. i like to think it's a bit bohemian because we are, after all, former 70's hippies.
well, not quite!
but we could have been if we'd wanted to.
myself, I’ve had the odd pair of slippers.
nothing fancy. nothing that i couldn't live without.
but for the last year or so I have been wearing the husband’s flip flops which he uses outside in the summer time.
a tad too big, a tad grimy but quite serviceable nontheless.
i'd slip 'em on in the morning when getting out of bed and they'd spare my feet from the cold basement floor while i schlep downstairs to feed the cat.
but the other day, completely out of the blue, my other half, (herinafter referred to as m.o.h.) pouted at me and said in a whiny voice, ‘I need a pair of slippers’.
as if I had been hiding his slippers on him for the last ten years.
as if I had indeed been depriving him of slippers these many years, by saying,
you will never, ever get a pair of slippers as long as i am the captain of THIS ship mate!'
which of course is not the case.
but he made me sound like i was the battleaxe wife and he was the deprived husband.
thus waving the proverbial red rag in my face, as it were.
soooo I thought, right, your wish is my command.
translate that to, "I’ll fix you, see if i don't! slippers is it? slippers is what you shall have then."
so off i trotted to Walmart which i don't really like
(because it's where all the employees are sad and never want to make eye contact with the customers in case we ask them for something, and where some of the customers are heard in the next aisle over busily beating and/or berating their children and forcing them to 'sit down NOW!' in the shopping cart, promising, "you will get in big trouble when i get you home' just in case this yelling and emotional brain damage i'm laying on you here should not be punishment enough presumably)
anyhoo, i phoned hubby and asked him what size he took (best to check when it comes to m.o.h. as he is a little picky when it comes to sizes, having been born with a spirit level in his eyeball and a ruler up his arse, not forgetting the clipboard which he walks around with checking off things day and night)
oh you have NO idea.
and then i picked him out a lovely cosy-looking pair of brown furry slippers (sale price $7.00) and, while i was at it, i picked up a pair of slippers for myself.
also on sale for $7.00!
(no doubt because both pairs were handmade by a chinese child wearing a candle on his head to illuminate the dark workspace under the table in the factory where his mother works the dayshift and his father works the nightshift all for less than 2 yen a day)
then i hurried home and as soon as i got in the door i kicked off my big boots and slid into my new slippers and it was like cinderella and her glass slipper.
a clock chimed and i was momentarily dazed and when i next looked up i saw my hubby standing there in his furry brown slippers, and he was a middle aged man, and i saw myself and i was a middle aged woman and we looked at each other and let the moment register..... and then we let it pass..... and then we said,
'bugger it, let's go and get our pyjamas on, it's nearly seven o'clock'.
and that's when i knew.
it's all downhill from here on in.


datainlaw said...

Oh my gosh...too funny! you pair are a hoot i say a hoot..okay that makes me sound 70 but hahahahaha

Nina said...

Ha ha ha - very enjoyable Clippy Mat, keep it up......

slipperless said...

Sorry cannot join you in the slippers brigade I hate them wear flip flops all the time which my children hate as I even take them on holiday and where them all day and all for the price of £1.99 would walk barefoot all the time if I could maybe thats from the 60s era but I suppose my mam put me in slippers then. Keep up the blog will keep reading

Clippy Mat said...

ah thanks slipperless. to each his own i suppose. :-)

little sista said...

can just picture wor Trev in his slippers -it'll be a half ounce of condor bar next!!

ChiTown Girl said...

Oh my hell!! You are hilarious!! I'm so glad you decided to share this again, as I missed it the first time.

Reading about your Walmart made me sad, though. My Walmart is nothing like that. I LOVE my Walmart!! Everyone there is really friendly and helpful, they give great service, I almost never have to wait in line...oh, I could go on and on!

Expat mum said...

My but your style has evolved. (Not really - I was trying to sound erudite!)
The thing about living in cold weather and snowy climes is that slippers are a must. You have to take your shoes/boots off at the front door and I hate padding around in socks, so slippers it is. I have a big booties type slipper from Lands End at the moment and they are so big they have me boiling in about 10 minutes!

Steve said...

Slippers are the accoutrements of the truly civilized.

Trish @ Mum's Gone to... said...

I love the description of your husband with a spirit level in his eyeball and a ruler up his arse. That's tickled me for the day.

C said...

bwahahaha thats just SO cute!

awww, you guys.... yeah, YOU.. i'm tawkin ta YOU.

Mark said...

I have never worn slippers but our new house is so cold (stone floors) that I've just bought some - I refuse to look at them in teh mirror though.

Hadriana's Treasures said...

I must admit I like slippers too. A few years ago I discovered these slipper shoes from Spain and the last ones are Nordik (or something). I need a new pair...shame they won't be cheap ones though sadly! :)

Clippy Mat said...

Cheech: Our Wal-Marts are vast now but that's a new thing. They have put many small companies out of business and have monopolized the market which bothers me but I do shop there more than I used to; due to lack of choice I think. I know you love your Walmart tho' so I do understand. :-)

EpMum: Since I first wrote this I've gone back to bare feet. Very bohemian.

Steve: Mais oui, tres chic that's moi.

Trish: shh don't tell him I said so.

C: I hear ya, Loud and clear. :-)

Mark: Don't be tempted. it's soul destroying.

Hadriana: Want me to send you a $7 pair from walmart?


Busy Bee Suz said...

I love two are so funny.
I can't wear slippers cause of my fallen arches. (who is old?) but I would love to wear them all the time.
Does you hubby really carry his clip board around? Is it in the bed too?

Clippy Mat said...

Suz: It's an imaginary clipboard but in the bedroom he uses score cards! :-)

Pam said...

You made me laugh till you described me talking to my kids in Walmart :-) I'm going to buy slippers for Craig this Xmas and hope he reciprocates! Slippers rule man! (trying to make them trendy)

Clippy Mat said...

Make sure they are trendy then Pam and not those plaid with fur lining booty things. Remember them?

the fly in the web said...

I was very dubious about Mr. Fly on first meeting him.
He was wearing slippers in the kitchen.

Clippy Mat said...

Dear Fly: Well done on being astute enough to recognize your true love beneath his slippers.