Saturday, November 27, 2010

Are You Looking at Me?

one of our friends has just returned from a visit to his old home town; glasgow, scotland.
he's from a rough area where the men are men and the women are nervous.
when he goes home he loves to go back to his old stomping ground.
there's an atmosphere about the place that he enjoys more than anything else.

a pub he knew very well back in the day is still standing and still full of the old time hard men.
the atmosphere is rough and tough and the patter is not for the feint of heart.
off he went one afternoon for a wee visit.
he ordered a pint and sitting down looked around before opening his newspaper and settling in for a couple of hours.
there were some real characters in that afternoon.
the craic was good.
across the room was a wee fella with an ugly mug.
his face had a fixed grimace and he sneered out of the side of his mouth.
one eye was either missing, or permanently shut.
he never took his other eye off our friend.
the hairy eye.
the stink eye.
there's nothing more disconcerting.
every time he looked up the wee fella was still staring.
after a couple of pints our pal had had enough.

this wee man's really making me angry, he thought to himself.
i've stared back at him several times and he's never once looked away.
if i don't say anything he's going to think i'm a wimp and he won't give it up.
so he summoned up some dutch courage.
and tried to recall how he'd have handled this situation in his younger days.
another pint of beer and he was on his feet and across the room to see the wee man with the staring problem.
reverting to the old vernacular he leaned in.
'look pal.' he started 'whit is ye're effing problem? ye've been staring at me all efternoon. whit the f**k are ye lookin' at?'
the wee fella never flinched.
then his hairy eye looked up and over our pal's head.
and he pointed.
at the TV across the room.
'ah'm watchin' the horse racin' pal.' he said.

'oh aye, that's alright then.' said our friend,  as he stuck his newspaper under his arm and quietly left.


Steve said...

Quick Escape coming in at 5-1!

Irritatingly Optimistic said...

Thats a great post Clippy. It reminded me of a time when I went to meet a boyfriends family in Inverness. We went into this old fashioned pub, walked up to the bar and ordered a drink. The room went silent and everyone stared at me. It took a few seconds for us to realise that I was the only female in the bar and we hastily made our way through to the lounge.
Apparently they still had the 'men only' bar rule.

Clippy Mat said...

Steve: swiftly followed by I.C.U. :-)

Gale: That happened to us about 15 years ago at a family wedding back home. In a workingmen's club one of the guests went into the bar with her boyfriend and was told to leave! She refused. Well you can imagine the rest. ;-)

Mark said...

There used to be very good Glasgow blog by someone calling himself Jimmy Bastard - brilliantly written too; a picture of Glasgow's darker side. Then it suddenly stopped and has been deleted. Not sure if he is the jug or it was all a scam!

Sara said...

haha good story!
Had a little gig at that.

TechnoBabe said...

Good lesson, it is not always about you.

Clippy Mat said...

Mark: I do remember J.B. or his name anyway but didn't realize it was gone before I could get into it. Too bad. Probably doin' a spell in Barlinnie. :-)

TBabe: and sometimes those who teach us our lessons come in strange disguise. ;-)

Sara: Glad you liked it hen. ;-)

Expat mum said...

Whan I was first married and the Ball & CHain and I used to go out for a drink now and then (aahh - memories) I used to think he was having deep thoughts, as he gazed into the middle distance above my head.
No - he was watching the sports on the mounted TV.

Clippy Mat said...

EPMum:Many a woman has been fooled into thinking her man was 'deep' and thoughtful but then realized he was only thinking about the sports. ;-)

Busy Bee Suz said...

That is so funny. I thought there was going to be a ruckus. Or whatever you would call it over there. Giving the stink eye is not nice. I try to refrain. But I do think 'stink eye' at people.

Lakeland Jo said...


the fly in the web said...

What struck me was the ritual courtesy of the exchanges...

Clippy Mat said...

Suz: ruckus is a wee bit polite for what could have ensued. Luckily it didn't. ;-)

Jo: guid yin no?

Fly: Courteousness is second nature to some of our Glaswegian friends. ;-)

Pam said...

You've gave me a good laugh as usual Clippy.
I repeated the story to my husband who said (in his scally accent) "oh no! what a knob head" - said with affection of course. X

Clippy Mat said...

Pam: Said in a scally accent could that comment really be taken any other way?