Sunday, April 13, 2008

diary of a crazy housewife

yesterday we decided to clean out two of the back rooms in the basement. they are under renovation and when one is worked on things get moved to the other one and then they get moved back.

(bored yet?)

anyhoo we have a nice friend who helped by carrying lots of toxic waste (old paint cans) to the dump with m.o.h.
not only did we have our own old paint cans which we brought here with us (?), with horrible colours that i can't believe i ever thought i'd use again, but we also have the old paint cans of the previous homeowners who must have bought two of every colour they used in each room.
every room was a different colour and every one matched the hideous border which wrapped around the top of the wall at ceiling height.
for example in what would become our bedroom there was a border of cats.
cats sitting, cats lying, cats pouncing playfully, cats sleeping, cats looking slyly at me as i slept. i'm not kidding.
thankfully that border came down in one large rrrrriiippp. ooh it felt good.

another border was lighthouses and seaside scenery. quite nautical and quite nauseating too.
in another room was a 'display' of about 6, 12" mirror tiles which were stuck to the wall, in what i assume was an effort at an 'art deco' pattern, with sticky press on things which you need a flamethrower to remove.
and even after you've removed them then sanded the walls, primed and repainted with two coats you can still see their outlines when the sun shines.
but i've digressed.
let us get back downstairs to the basement.
we have a lot of exercise equipment in our basement.
there is a treadmill which cost me a lot of money. right now it is covered in a thick layer of dust from the sanding that went on during the floors being installed and walls being rubbed down.
i have some hand weights. there are a set of one pound weights which are so ridiculously light they couldn't possibly be of any use to anyone. you could drop them on your toes and not feel a thing. my grandsons can lift them with their little fingers.
(you've seen my grandsons. they love to get into stuff! little monkeys.)

then i have a set of 8lb handweights. i can lift them. i can curl them. about twice each. i tried lifting them up and over my head a few times and almost put my back out. so they got shelved.
we have two huge exercise balls. one comes complete with a dvd a book and a foot pump. you lie on the ball and sit up and turn over and stretch etc. and you should end up looking like somebody called kelly brook.
she's pretty gorgeous so i might give that a go. sometime.
not now, because in order to make room we deflated both balls and packed them away.
m.o.h. looked ominously at the treadmill and said, "you NEVER use it. and it's in the way. we move it from room to room and you NEVER use it."
"but i MIGHT". i said. "i WILL."
i promised.
and i believe i meant it.

then i found another box which had some green stretch elastic bands in them.
i'd forgotten about them.
a few years ago i joined a dance class. 2X a week. in my mind i was moving and grooving, in reality i was sweating and tripping over my feet and generally doing everything ass backwards compared to the rest of the class.
"oops sorry, my fault."
i said that a lot as everybody went left and i went right.
but i loved it.
the music was great and each song had its own routine.
aferwards we had our own yoga mats. we lay down on them and did sit ups. well other people did sit ups. it hurt my neck so i just watched that part.
then we got out the green bands. or did we do that before the sit ups? my memory fails.
we did 'stretchy movements' with them and boy did it feel good.
('stretchy movements' is a technical term which i believe is used by fitness buffs everywhere.)

i remembered those movements yesterday as they fell out of the box and my husband stepped back in shock as if they were pythons that had been hiding out in the shadows.
"oh" i gasped. "my stretchy bands!" (more technical fitness buff terminology)
"what the....?" he asked.
i put one in my hands and then put my hands in the air over my head and str-ee-tt-ch-ee-dd.
by way of demonstration.
this morning i woke up and i feel like i've been on a rack of medieval torture.

it might be a while before i try them again.


Jan said...

So funny,and I relate to all of this.
Jan x

Clippy Mat said...

jan: surely not! there can not be 2 of us. :-)

Anonymous said...


get up and down burleigh hill now!