Wednesday, August 26, 2009

im not going!

i have to return to work.
as in job.
as in daily grind.
as in 9 to 5.
5 days a week
okay well 9 to 3.
4 days a week.
but still! 
life is not fair.
i really, really do not want to return to work.
after being off all summer i cant bear to think about it.

when i was 5 they made me start school.
i didn't want to go.
but they didnt care.
they made me go.
and on the first day there the kindly old teacher picked me up to  distract soothe me whilst my mother made her escape, no doubt kicking up her heels as she abandoned me without a care to a strange and unknown world.
when i realized what was happening i screamed.
then i slapped that kindly old teacher so hard across her face that i knocked her glasses right off the end of her nose.
causing her to swiftly drop me on my arse.

you can see how such a traumatic childhood experience has damaged me.
returning to school will just make me relive that whole awful incident.
over and over.
and im sure my boss will understand when i tell her i am suffering from post traumatic stress disorder now that ive recovered that long supressed painful memory.

im sure they will understand.
these things take time.


KAZ said...

Now I know why I was so happy to stop working.
I'd obviously been suffering from post traumatic stress disorder for years.

Steve said...

Talking of post traumatic stress disorder... how is the teacher doing these days? Has she come out of counselling yet?

C said...

OK clippy.... here is what you need to do. you need to form a new "old" memory to replace the traumatic one. and of course, i, your internet surfing lesbian slut friend has the perfect one.

listen up, sistah...

you are walking into your first day of kindergarten class. you are scared but when you see the new teacher, you like her face. you begin to have fun. suddenly you scream as you realize you have been left there. but as soon as you scream, your new teacher with the pretty face farts loudly and poops her pants cuz your scream inadvertantly scared the crap out of her. so now, you and all the other kids are laughing your lil arses off, as she waddles out to the restroom holding her behind, leaving little farting noises behind her as she waddles. you are rolling on the floor laughing your arse off, [ROTFLYAO] and it is the funniest day you have ever had in kindergarten!

end of PTSD.
beginning of best damn day in school ever!

hey, what can i say.
i love ya.


Ladybird World Mother said...

!!! Why not slap your boss across the face. at least it will be a new trauma to deal with. (am going back on monday week... sigh... isnt summer the best?)

Kee said...

ohh i totally agree with ladybird world mother-slap the boss in the face, what a great idea! That would take care of the whole work situation! someone in this family really needs to win the lottery. although with all the babysitting of the grandchildren you do in your free time i am surprised you are not a wee bit happy to go back so you can say "gee sorry i can't help out today, i'm working" kiddding...i know if you could you would stay home with would be bloody crazy but anyhoo...

Busy Bee Suz said...

You poor girl. I think this requires regression therapy. You know, when they take you back into your past and possibly you can NOT slap the nice teacher this time???
Please, whatever you do, don't slap your boss on the first day, taht will not go over well!

The Incredible Woody said...

Might not be the best idea to slap the boss but it sure would make a great blog post!!

Wend's Place said...

HAHAHA! Oh wow I see so many similarities lol

How I hated school and the first day in this terrible world was horrible. I just didn't want to live any longer. How can they make us go?

My mother turned against me to when I made loads of new friends which made my life even more hell.

This sounds like I am whinging now haha

LIFE! This is just life and changing and adapting isn't easy for anyone.

Try focusing on the positive things going back to work/school will give you..and if you really don't like it get another job that is more fun.

Clippy Mat said...

kaz: and you'd been supressing it too. just like me.

Steve: well it's 50 yrs ago and she's long dead (no it wasn't me) LOL

C: you are insane! you i.s.l.s.f. you. :-))

LWM: hmm, now THERE's an idea. ;-)

Kee: i wish i could stay home. :-(
AND win the lottery. i can only dream. :-)

Suz: strangely, i'm not traumatised at the thought of me slapping that dear old woman but at the thought of HER dropping ME on my bum LOL

Woody: you're so right. It would make a great post wouldn't it? hehehe

another job? no way, the holidays would SUCK! ;-)

ChiTown Girl said...

That's hilarious! And, THANKFULLY, is not an experience I can relate to!

lakeviewer said...

Oh my, it will be another year like that bad one. Unfortunately, we all feel that way.

Kim said...

Stop yer whinging woman..............get out there and earn the big bucks and keep that hubby in the lifestyle he is used to !!!
ha ha ha

Evil Twin's Wife said...

Ugh! But at least you do have summer off! :-)

clinka said...

just don't slap her across the face!
you'll be ok. i'll talk you through it.

Clippy Mat said...

THANKFULLY! (tho' consisering the hellhole that surprises me)

lakeviewer: i know. hopefully after one day back i will feel like i've never been away and the summer will only be a happy memory.

bah. not fair. YOU are retired. so don't even talk to me. LOL

ETW: that's the best part about the job :-)

clinka: you may just have to do that :-)

Attila The Mom said...

LOL! PTSD is a fabulous reason! Now if only I can figure out how to use it myself.

KayDee said...

All I can say is REALITY SUCKS don't it?

Grace Matthews said...

You are so funny. I have that memory of my mom sneaking away...of course I didn't slap my teacher, but I get what you are saying :)

karengberger said...

I'm guessing that this incident was written in your file, and that it followed you throughout your school life? Oh, Clippy!
I understand why you don't want to go back. Summer is a magical season. I hope that, as it approaches, it gets easier for you to go back.

Hadriana's Treasures said...

Sympathises hugely. Work really is a four letter word.