Tuesday, November 2, 2010

Blackberry pie

mobile phones are bad for your health.
i gave mine up because i worried about electro-magnetic fields and the link to brain cancer...
is there one?
is the jury still out on that?
what does Dr. Oz say?

i never quite figured that out but i know since i read a newspaper article on the subject i now stand at the opposite end of the room from the microwave in my kitchen and the photocopier at work.
with the photocopier i feed the paper in, press START and then do a sort of sidestep-run to the doorway.
i get funny looks from people but hey, what can you do?
it's my ovaries that i'm protecting and even tho' i'm not actually using them anymore for their intended purpose, i have become fond of them and don't want them to shrivel up and die.
not until i've shrivelled up and died first anyway.

can't quite remember all of the details of that newspaper article now but i remember getting a fright and wondering to myself whether i could buy one of  those aprons that radiographers wear when they x-ray you.
do they sell to the public?

apparently there's a risk with wireless internet too but i haven't completed my research on that subject as yet either.
as soon as Dr. Oz does a segment on it, i'll be good to go.
i shall report back to you.

so not long after i'd come to that decision about not having a phone anymore my other half talked me into getting a blackberry.
he told me that i could BBM with my daughter for free as she has a blackberry too.
she's in england and we email every day anyway but i forgot about that when he said 'blackberry' and 'free' in the same sentence.
i forgot about electro magnetic wotsits and all that stuff.

he did the research first, pre-shopped on our behalf, cos he was getting a new phone too.
then when he'd decided which plans and which servers were better i went with him to the store and picked one up.
the store was in the mall.
so after we'd got our new phones we sat down in the mall in the food court and proceeded to phone each other from our respective devices, across the table.
as you do.
then we practiced texting.
i sent him a voice message and then he texted me a very rude suggestion.
i took a picture of the shocked expression on my face and sent it to him.
he took a picture of his middle finger and sent it back.
i think the people around us thought we were crazy so we eventually got up and left.

as we walked away i was still fiddling with my phone.
which resulted in me not seeing that i was at the top of the steps in the UPPER level of the food court.
must have forgotten that.
i proceeded to walk off the end of the steps and midflight as i realized that i was no longer walking on solid ground, i somehow managed to take all four steps in one massively, deep stride;
a la John Cleese and his "Ministry of Silly Walks",  walk.
(you must check that link out to fully understand)
as it dawned on me that i was about to go arse over teakettle i grabbed onto m.o.h. with all of my strength and stepping off the steps brought him along for the ride.
i sort of jump-stepped-flew and miraculously (?) managed to remain upright.
i think i may have dislocated m.o.h's shoulder, but no worry, it could've been worse if i'd fallen cos he'd have hit the deck before me and i'd have landed on top of him.

i knew then without a doubt that i'd made a very big mistake in getting another phone.

technology, as in hand held devices and moi, do not mix.
i have enough problems walking and chewing gum.

i don't think i have long to live.

i should probably stick to this kind of blackberry device in future.
completely safe to use.
not very good at communication however.


Trish @ Mum's Gone to... said...

I've changed my mind - I rather like this more regular blog posting, especially if they are going to be as funny as this!
Maybe you could use a clothes prop to turn the microwave on from a distance?

Clippy Mat said...

A clothes prop! What a great idea.
Thanks Trish. :-)

Steve said...

I'm a gadget-phile - I love them. But even I worry a little when I pause to consider the sheer amount of electo-waves that pollute our world - we are constantly immersed in them... I worry and worry and then play an online game on my mobile phone and I feel fine.

Michelloui said...

hahaha! Here from expat mum's site. Very funny post. My jury is still out as well, who knows about this stuff. I've realised I can't avoid it so I'd better drink lots of green tea to combat the free radicals or whatever cancer causing effects there are. Or something like that.

Clippy Mat said...

Steve: should we just start wearing those hats made from tin foil?

any freind of ExPatMum's etc. etc. Nice to meet you.
I am going to step up my consumption of green tea as we speak. Gotta help right?

Pam said...

I know the smart phones are cool but everyone I know who has one (including my OH) turns into a head-down, finger-flicking zombie. For that reason I got an iPad - that and the fact that I have clumsy hands too big for small buttons!
I'm glad you didn't go arse over teakettle. X

Busy Bee Suz said...

Oh my gosh Clippy...this is so funny. I am so glad you did not injure yourself badly, that would not have been as funny.
Are you really giving up your phone??? I hardly use mine to talk...but I do worry about the Coach, he is practically growing a blackberry out of his right ear.
I do tell the kids: Don't stand in front of the microwave!!!

Clippy Mat said...

Pam: IPad's are great but you can't make phone calls on 'em.
Can you?
What do I know?
I think I would like one tho' anyway.

Good PSA - 'don't stand too close to the microwave!' If only we'd known sooner. ;-)

the fly in the web said...

Throwing the blackberry pie makes for pretty effective communication...the recipient is in n doubt as to your view of them...especially if it sticks to the baking tin.

Clippy Mat said...

Dear Fly: That made me roar with laughter. VERY effective communication that, esp. when stuck to the pie tin as you say.
Loved it

Gill - That British Woman said...

I am a total dim wit when it comes to cell phones. I am forever to turn mine on. When I do actually remember, most of the time the battery is dead.

I have a texting function on my phone, but by the time I have written the damm text I could have walked to see the person sooner.

No idea what my cell number is, so I have had to tape the phone number on the back of it, in case someone asks.

When someone does phone me, I never hear the ring, so all in all it's a total waste of time me having a phone.....I personally would rather have the bramble pie....


Mark said...

Blackberry pie - best fruit pie in the world, I reckon. I'd drop my mobile any day for one of them.

Clippy Mat said...

Gill: I'm a bit like that myself with my phone but you realize that if you and I were still living in England we'd be texting and messaging left right and centre?
Everybody does it at home, have you noticed?

Clippy Mat said...

Mark: I agree. I grew up with blackberries on demand - we picked them and had pies galore. We even had 'blackberry week' off school back then so we could go and pick them and make pies presumably. They don't taste the same anymore.

karen gerstenberger said...

Maybe that's what all the warnings are about phone being dangerous - the inattention to the things that can really hurt you. Like staircases, moving vehicles, etc. Not sure what Dr. Oz would say - will you let us know, please?
So glad that the both of your survived your near fall. And I LOVE the Ministry of Silly Walks.

C said...

great post and i actually laughed out loud!!! you are so cute and so funny, pat. i wished we lived near eachother, we would have fun. i'm kinda wobbly meself like that.

and you and diane could speak british.

when i read the side step by the copier i first thought i read cartwheel and i was chokin on me iced tea!

Clippy Mat said...

Me and Diane could speak British! That's a good 'un.
Perhaps it's good that you're in the midwest and I'm in the North, who knows if there wouldn't be some kind of disaster if we were in the same time zone.