QUICK! tidy up

company's coming over.
would you believe it?

my nephew's wife in the uk, a lovely lass called Nikki, was recently told on Facebook about my blog by an unsuspecting relative.
unsuspecting in that he doesn't know that i don't tell ANYONE about my blog.
especially NOT people on FB.
otherwise my work colleagues would know and it wouldn't be too hard for them to troll thru older posts and find less than flattering anecdotes about themselves and their colleagues would it?
that would NOT do.
then what would i do as an outlet?
one has got to have one's secrets hasn't one?

my unsuspecting releative, aka husband's cousin's daughter's husband, made a passing remark to Nikki about MY blog, after MY comment today that HER updates on FB are so funny that SHE should blog about her life and times.
(it would be immensely readable.)

he mentioned that "pat", aka yours truly, "knew about blogging because she has a blog which is easy to find if you google 'clippy mat'".

SCREAM!!!

"?"
was her response.

so i've had to come clean.
and now guess what?
she's only going to come and visit tomorrow isn't she?
so let's see, let's do a bit of damage control before she gets here.
right now she'll be in bed as it's almost 1.30 in the UK.
that's in the a.m.
time is of the essence.
make haste to make a good impression and hope that she won't see thru the facade.

let's pretend that the last posts i posted, ALL the way back in november, when i was seriously full of good intentions about nablowhatsit and blogging every day for that month, and which turned out to be co-authored by my pet fish (!) were a lot funnier than they were.
not sure how to give that impression, and i've even thought of deleting them but what the hell.
i liked them at the time.

hopefully she won't notice that there's been nothing written since then.
perhaps she'll go back thru some old posts and find the odd one to raise a smile.
'tis my only hope.

wouldn't want her to pop in and find us all neglected and abandoned would we?
"call THIS a blog?" she might well be inclined to say when she gets here.

can't have that.

SO  shift yourself off that chair there and plump those cushions.
and
take those dirty dishes off the table and put them in the dishwasher and get those plants watered and don't forget to gather up the newspapers and magazines from every surface and recycle them for gawd's sake.
Jeebus! are they CUP RING STAINS on that table?
what the hell?
get a damp cloth at once!

and OPEN the blinds would you and let a bit light in.
what will she think if she comes here and sees that DUST!!?
STOP!!
DO NOT write your name in it.

right, we've got a few hours till she gets here as she's in england as i say and fast asleep as we speak.
but i happen to know she's a very early riser.
so look sharp.

light a few scented candles and plug in one of them airfreshner thingies.
sit up straight.
and just smile and nod when she comes by.

hopefully she won't stay too long.