calling Stacey and Clinton
Trinny and Susannah
i need a new dress.
but not just ANY dress.
what i need, dear friends, is a magic dress.
i'm going to a wedding.
sooner than i thought.
and i really meant to lose weight.
i thought about it an awful lot.
well you know how it is.
what i need is;
a dress that will instantly slim me and make me look ten years younger.
it should be made of a non clingy, yet sensuous and flattering fabric that doesn't ride, wrinkle or seat.
which fits where it touches and accentuates the positive and minimizes the er, less than positive.
which makes people say, 'wow, clippy's looking good these days." without even realizing it's the dress that's doing it.
which says size 16 on the label but makes me look, and feel, like a size 10.
oh OK 12 then.
i AM willing to compromise.
it should be of a hue which flatters my skin tones
whilst enhancing only my finer points. which are...
oh well, never mind.
this dress should be one of a kind,
one that most people would die to have but will never own.
(so far this list of 'must haves' are making sure that it's pretty well exclusive, i know.)
it should look fab on me but, and most of all, it should not cost a great deal.
having said that,
if i COULD find a dress that fits all or most of the above, then i might just be tempted to sell my first born to pay for it.
(i'm sure he would understand.)
after all i do need to look good on the day.
as opposed to looking like a middle aged woman who needs to lose a lot of weight and is wearing a dress which makes her look like a sack of tatties, tied in the middle.
IS THIS TOO MUCH TO ASK?
was i shouting?
please, don't mind me.
it's just that i've been looking for a while now and every dress that i've seen is tiny, short, sleeveless, backless and clingy.
and made for kate moss's little sister.
WHAT'S WITH THAT?
oops sorry, shouting again.
is a short sleeve too much to ask?
something that hides the bingo wings.
with a waistline that doesn't define the last carb binge i went on.
WELL IS IT?
is a hemline that comes just at mid-calf, thus concealing cellulite and fat knees, TOO MUCH TO ASK?
isn't it time my fairy godmother showed up with her magic wand?
right about now.
oh pass the gravy.
and if the dress doesn't turn up well then let's hope the event turns out something like this one, which i just lifted from smileygirl's blog. if so, no-one will care what ANYONE is wearing. i love it.