Monday, December 15, 2008

O Christmas Tree, O *@#* Christmas Tree!!

some things i haven't blogged about this last few weeks.

my other half has been in the hospital and had surgery.
(this happened right after i blogged about him not helping out with the christmas cards.)
(but, it's purely coincidental... honestly)
he's now home but is in need of some TLC and will be on the mend for the next while.
it's amazing how much you (I) don't realize how much you (I) take your (my) other half for granted.
that's how they get that title in the first place.
because they are the other half of your life.
you do one thing, and they do the other.
for example he does all the grunge work and i do the top show stuff.
it's worked up to now.
take yesterday for example.
i thought that i could put the tree up by myself.
(how hard can it be?)
this is usually his job.
and i, of course, am the director on the project.
'up a bit, down a bit, no, not there, THERE.' etc.

in order to put the tree up i had to ask a visitor, before he left, to get the huge box from its location behind the furnace, where it is stored way out of my reach.
and to lug it upstairs.
with two large boxes of decorations.
m.o.h. was lying down absolutely worn out after his visitor and i could tell it was killing him not to be involved because he's a 'doer'.
so off i went with a plan of action.

after a while, alerted no doubt by bangs, thumps, groans and loud swearing, he staggered upstairs to see what was going on.
there was i head in hands, exhausted, with tears of frustration rolling down my cheeks.
he flopped down, breathless.
'what the hell are you trying to do here?'
emphasis on the word 'trying'.

i had wanted to be precise about the project.
which is the way he would have approached it.
so the first thing i had to do to ready the room was to take down the playpen which little granddaughter noonoo uses when she comes over.

25 minutes later i was spent.
to put the playpen away you have to fold it in the correct order as per the instructions on the INSIDE (wtf?) of the playpen's floor.
pull up centre of floor to a height equal to the four sides.
press buttons on two short sides of playpen and release sidearms while pressing down
press buttons on two long sides and collapse playpen.

or something like that, but i couldn't actually SEE the directions.
so, this is what i did.
several times.
i was sweating like a fat lass in the chip shop.
and getting nowhere.
then finally it was down!
but it refused to fold into a neat pile as per the diagram.
i had legs sticking out everywhere.
how the hell was i going to put up a tree which required some assembly when i couldn't even do the simplest thing first?
m.o.h. in all of his patient wisdom directed me thru each task as he lay on the couch holding his incision and staples on his midsection.
he was trying not to laugh at me because it was painful.

fast forward - two hours later.
there is a tree in my living room.
it has lights on.
only half the lights work and some of the limbs are shall we say 'gaping'.
there are no decorations on it (yet)
that will take us into day 2.
and m.o.h. is having a lie in this morning.
i don't think he's up to directing me again!
please don't leave me a comment that says,
'maybe you should have just not bothered putting up a tree this year?'
because i've already thought of THAT!
in lieu of a picture of MY tree which is not picture worthy as yet i scanned google for something lighthearted to steal/borrow to illustrate this sad blog.
it's the best i could do under the circumstances.
which just about sums me up at the minute.


Expat mum said...

OMG, how I laughed. Fat lass in the chip shop indeed. But on a serious note, if you ever have a fire inspection (not that your house is a public building or anything) keeping an artificial tree behind the furnace will give the firemen a complete heart attack!

Busy Bee Suz said...

I hate to laugh at your problems but I just can't help it.
Sorry MOH is not feeling well....hopefully he will be better by the time Santa arrives?
Those playpens are the hardest things to figure out. You should have just drug it downstairs in the one piece. Oh, maybe it was too big???

Clippy Mat said...

expat mum:
you're right! i think it's a few feet away from the furnace in reality, but technically it's too close when i think of it.
but this year it's not going back there after xmas.
it's getting binned.
next year, tree with lights already on!
no assembly required.

Clippy Mat said...

yep, it was too big to go thru the doorways in this house.
my other option to disassembling it when that was failing so miserably was to take an axe thru the middle of it!
but i thought little noo noo might object when next she came over to nanny's house.
i don't like putting fear into the hearts of innocent children.

Crazy Mo said...

I'm gald to hear YOH is on the mend. But I have to admit that I laughed (snorted, in fact!) when you wrote that he was in the hospital after your blog about the Christmas cards. Gee ... wonder what happened ...

frantastic said...

I wish your other half a speedy recovery!

As for the tree - you should do what I'm doing this year...buying a tarp, covering the tree, decorations and all, and storing it in a corner of the garage until next year! I really can't see myself spending another 6 hrs. setting it all up again next December! lol

Clippy Mat said...

i've added a disclaimer to this post right after that comment. it does sound incriminating tho' doesn't it?

thanks for the recovery wishes. i will tell him:
i WISH i could store the tree like that but don't have the room.
and it's getting binned after this year. for sure!

Lakeland Jo said...

best regards to the other half.
It is exactly what you say- we call them the OH because that is what they are.
Your post reminded me so much of me. Kind of looking in a mirror really blog style.
Well done hinny for having a gan.

Clippy Mat said...

thanks hinny for the support and the best regards for o.h.
blog mirror.
that's what blogging is like sometimes isn't it?

Stinking Billy said...

clippy, as rachel (leatherdykeuk) might say, "Chuckles."

C said...

well...... i think your tree looks lovely, clippy. and the room looks very warm and inviting.
so, where do ya live and when shall i arrive.... lol
hope the hub is on the mend and feels better by christmas.
have a wonderful holiday.


C said...

1.) love the doggie toone...
B.) your daughter is gorgous.
and 3.) so are your grandkids...

Helen said...

I too must apologise for comments re:males lack of help at Crimbo cos moh has just qrapped up all my prezzies (beautifully) cos I no can do with only one good hand al.though I did write out & put into envelopes 70+ cards (some did have teeth marks though)I suggest this to people as a Christmas game i.e. one handedly putting a card into an envelope!

Gill - That British Woman said...

I feel your pain as far as putting up the Christmas tree, I agree with Expat mum, you need to find another home for that tree.....


Clippy Mat said...


ah thanks. they are the lights of my life. :-)

new home found.
kerb on 2nd Jan.a.m.
city dump 2nd Jan. p.m.

i appreciate my christmas card from you even MORE now that i realize what is involved in your doing them. i would seriously just give up but then that's why i love you, because you are made of much stronger stuff than moi.
i loved the lipstick kiss on my envelope. i thought you were just making mine extra special. LOL


Grumpy Old Ken said...

I too laughed at 'fat lass in a chip shop'. Is it a north east saying. Not pc but funny all the same

Smileygirl said...

It's great that you guys can switch roles when necessary. Hope the other half gets out of the director chair soon and gets back to the doing.

Take care of each other.